


Speak Now

by IngridAnne24



Category: Jane the Virgin (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-09-09
Packaged: 2018-06-08 12:33:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 33,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6854758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IngridAnne24/pseuds/IngridAnne24
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With Jane and Michael's wedding approaching, Petra has some things to think about. Now AU for the season finale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Petra Solano kills me, even if canon-Petra isn't actually in love with Jane (but I mean, come on, she totally is)
> 
> I wanted to write this before it becomes non-canon on Monday. Fingers crossed for some Jetra in the season finale. I mean, Yael does totally ship it.
> 
> Also, I talk about wanting Petra to be happy, but I keep writing stuff where she's suffering. One day I'll write something where she and Jane are actually together.

Petra Solano was known to be a lot of things. She was known for being conniving, cruel, heartless, but to other people, she was kind-hearted, hard-working, and lovely, if she tried hard enough. And she did try. She was raised to be cold, to not let things bother her, to not let the feelings of other people bother her, so going against that had been difficult. Her first instinct was almost always to be cruel. She didn't like being like that, but sometimes it was easier.

She continued to follow those instincts, even when she was with Rafael, in fact he often brought those instincts out in her. She loved him, and sometimes they were good together, but most of the time, they were passive aggressive and indirect with each other. Petra didn't want to be like that. She was tired of sneaking around, tired of not telling her partner how she really felt, and tired of her partner making her feel badly for that.

She was starting to wonder if she would ever not feel like that, that she was doomed to be in unhealthy relationships for the rest of her life. 

Until she met Jane Gloriana Villanueva. Well, not the first time she met Jane. It was complicated at first. Very complicated. Insemination mix-ups, Jane and Rafael falling in love with each other, Petra's mother pushing Jane's grandmother down the stairs. Very complicated.

It was a slow process of them becoming friends. There were moments, here and there, but it didn't really become obvious they may be starting to become friends when Petra was pregnant. She could sense Jane's judgment when it came to the fact that Petra inseminated herself in a terrible attempt to trap Rafael, but she still helped Petra. Because Jane was a good person.

Jane was such a good person, she helped Petra give birth. She could have left Petra, let the hospital staff do it themselves, let Petra give birth herself. But no, she stayed, coached Petra through it, supplied her with encouraging words passed on through her family.

There was still tension, though. Jane had a habit of being a little judgmental. She couldn't help it, she was naturally good at a lot of things, and being a mother was one of them. Petra was not so lucky. She struggled with being a mother, a lot, and Jane struggled with understanding. She couldn't comprehend not wanting to holding your children all the time, or even spending time with your children all the time. Petra wished she could be more like Jane, but she wasn't.

And Jane's judgment was a sore point. She never said anything, but Petra could hear it in her voice, see it in her eyes. It made Petra both annoyed with Jane and annoyed with herself. Jane had no right to make her feel badly, because Petra couldn't control how she felt.

She also couldn't control how she felt in regards to something, or someone, else.

It took her a while to realize she was falling in love with Jane, but when she did, it hit her hard. She couldn't stop thinking about it and everytime she spoke to Jane, her could hear her heart hammering in her chest. She felt like a school-girl, and felt like it her feelings were obvious. Evidently, it was not as obvious as she thought, because Jane didn't seem to notice. Jane was a naturally affectionate person, so when Petra attempted physical contact—such as an awkward hand on Jane's arm or shoulder—it didn't read as anything more than friendly.

Jane was no longer in love with Rafael and she was back with Michael. Michael Cordero had helped Petra in the past, but Petra hated him. He got to hold Jane, got to kiss her, and even worse, got to marry her.

Jealousy was a weak emotion that Petra hated feeling. Michael wasn't perfect, but he seemed to make Jane happy. The thing was, though, Petra wanted to be the one to make Jane happy. She wanted to be the one to hold Jane, kiss Jane, and... well...

When they got into their fight regarding Anezka, Petra wanted nothing more than to take it back. This was a common thing in her life, wanting to take something back. Petra had felt guilt before, but this time, it was overwhelming. Seeing Jane that angry with her made her feel sick. She truly cared what Jane thought about her. She hadn't realized these feelings were even there until she took a step back and really considered why Jane's anger at her bothered her and what Petra's dislike of Michael really meant.

She wasn't going to say anything, she was going to let it fester within her, then fade away, like most of her other attractions. Except, it wasn't going away. It actually felt like it was getting worse. 

Jane was slowly getting over their fight, and allowing Petra back in her life. She even wanted Petra at her wedding, which Petra was conflicted about. She was happy Jane was including her in her life, but annoyed it was her wedding. She didn't want to have to look at Jane and Michael all happy with each other, holding hands. The thought of it was disgusting.

She made the mistake of going to her mother, but she needed to talk to someone. Anezka's grasp of the English language, and really her grasp of anything else, was problematic.

“I'm in love with someone, Mother,” was the first thing she said.

Magda's frowned in disappointment. “Another one, Petra? What is his name?”

Petra froze and couldn't meet her mother's eye. She heard her mother sigh.

“It's not that girl, is it? The one the baby? The one who stole your husband?”

Magda was always good at reading her daughter. Petra looked up at Magda. “Her name is Jane, and she didn't steal Rafael. He didn't love me anymore, and I don't love him anymore. I love Jane.”

Magda looked like she wanted to slap Petra, but her hand stayed firmly on the table. The look in her eye, though, made Petra wished she would slap her. She resisted the urge to flinch away from her mother. Instead, she sat up straight.

“This will only end in disaster, Petra. That family, they will not want you in their family. And the girl? Jane? She is in love with that cop. They are getting married, no? You want my advice? Stuff it way, way down.”

This was exactly what Petra had expected her mother to say, but part of her hoped her mother would dig deep down and pull out some maternal advice. Maybe she was spending too much time with Jane; she getting too idealistic.

Petra left the prison before she let her mother see her cry. When she got back to the hotel, Anezka was cooing over one of the babies. Anna, Petra was pretty sure. Elsa? No, it was Anna.

“Call on the phone for you, Petra,” Anezka said as she bounced the baby in her arms. “It was Jane.”

Petra turned in a way that she thought was slowly, casually, when in reality, it was far faster than it needed to be. She nearly knocked something off the table with her hand. “Oh? What'd she say?”

“I think, it was if you were coming to the, uh, a dinner?”

“The rehearsal dinner?”

Anezka nodded. “Yes, this is the one.”

Petra took out her phone and called Jane, who answered pretty quickly.

“Hi, Petra. What's up?”

“I wanted to tell you I will be coming to the rehearsal dinner.”

There was a pause, some shuffling. “Oh, really? You told me you weren't coming.”

“What... No, I haven't said anything of the sort. I'm saying now, that I'm coming.”

“Well, okay, it's just someone who sounded like you and even said it was you told me you weren't coming.”

“Jane, I just got to the hotel. Anezka was the only one...” She sighed. Anezka. “Yes, you're right. Sorry. I'm a little out of sorts.”

“Are you okay?” Jane asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

“Yes, I'm fine. I'll probably take a nap before the dinner. I'll see you tonight.” After she hung up, she turned to her sister, who seemed to be pretending she wasn't paying attention to Petra. “Anezka. Did you pretend to be me?”

Anezka shook her head and gave Petra that doe-eyed look of hers. “No, Petra.”

“Because Jane said I said I wouldn't be there tonight when I know for a fact, that I did not.” Petra crossed her arms and stared her sister down. Anezka look at Petra, then down at the floor.

“I am practicing my English. I used your voice.”

Petra crossed her arms, trying to keep her patience. “And you told Jane you were me? And told her I'm not coming?”

Anezka shook slightly and Petra was briefly worried she was going to have another seizure. She didn't though, but she did look worried. “I was convincing, no?”

“Anezka...” Petra sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “You need to stop doing stuff like this, okay? I can't keep covering for you.”

Anezka continued bouncing Anna. Her eyes flickered down to the baby, avoiding eye contact with Petra.

“Anezka.”

Her sister looked at her, her eyes somehow larger than before. “I'm sorry, sister.”

“I would appreciate if you don't make Jane more angry with me than you already have.”

Anezka was quiet again, bouncing the baby in her arms. She looked like she wanted to say something.

“What is it?” Petra asked. “If you want to say something, say it.”

“Jane.”

“What about her?” But Petra sensed what Anezka was going to ask about.

“You care, what she thinks. Why?”

“She's my friend,” Petra shot back.

Anezka frowned slightly. Petra could tell Anezka had more to say, but she was starting to get a headache, so she excused herself to her bedroom. She lay in bed for a while, staring up at the ceiling. She could occasionally hear Anezka padding around, or singing a Czech song to the babies. She recognized one of the songs; it was the one lullaby Petra remembered her mother singing to her, saved only for when Petra was sick. Anezka had a decent voice, better than Magda's raspy one. It was surprisingly soothing. Soothing enough that Petra found herself drifting off.

The next thing she knew was a hand nudging her.

“Petra, it is almost time for the dinner,” Anezka whispered, her face inches away from Petra's.

Petra flinched and waved her sister away. The sky was almost completely dark, meaning Petra had slept far longer than she meant to and that the dinner was starting soon.

“Shit. Anezka, why didn't you wake me earlier?”

“I tried, sister, but you were very asleep. You growled at me.”

Petra conceded, then sent her sister out of the room while she quickly got ready. Her hair wasn't perfect and there was a red mark on her cheek from sleeping on one side, but it would have to do. Luckily the dinner was at the hotel, so she didn't have far to go.

The dinner was the usual rehearsal dinner. They ate, Xiomara sang a little, then Jane and Michael thanked everyone for coming. The dinner mostly comprised of the wedding party, but there was also family, from both sides. Petra felt like the odd man out. She found herself unable to look at Jane, since Jane was mostly laughing with her fiance. She tried stuffing down her annoyance; Jane had every right to laugh with her love, she had every right to be happy. Petra wanted Jane to be happy. But did it really have to be with Michael?

Petra tried enjoying herself, attempted to speak to some of the bridal party. Jane's bridesmaid, Lina, seemed very uncomfortable with Petra trying to talk to her. Petra was her boss, after-all, and Petra was also Petra. Eventually, Petra gave up, feeling equally uncomfortable with attempting to talk to people she barely knew. 

At some point Jane came over and thanked Petra for coming. For the first time in weeks, Jane put a hand on Petra's shoulder. When Petra looked at Jane, Jane smiled, warmly. She smiled that somewhat crooked, closed-mouth smile and Petra's heart leapt. 

“I'm sorry for treating you that way, Petra,” Jane said, crouching beside Petra. “I just...”

Petra held up her hand. “Jane, it's okay. I lied. My reason for lying was insignificant.”

Jane frowned slightly. “It was for your sister.”

“Regardless, I lied. I won't lie anymore, even if it is for my sister.”

Jane gripped Petra's hand and smiled. Petra swallowed. “I'm glad you're here, Petra.”

Jane wrapped her arms around Petra, while Petra returned the hug. Without meaning to, Petra noted Jane's scent. It was likely a body lotion, something fruity. Petra quickly broke the hug and mirrored the other woman's smile.

“Thank you for inviting me, Jane. But I think I should go and relieve Anezka and the nannies of the babies. I will see you tomorrow.”

Jane looked like she wanted to protest, but she nodded. “Okay, Petra. I'll see you tomorrow.” Then, she took a deep breath. “Anezka is welcome to come.”

“Really?”

“As long as she behaves herself.”

Petra had some doubts about that, but she laughed softly. “Promise.”

The smile on Jane's face remained until she looked up and frowned. “Crap, my dad looks like he's gonna make a speech. I need to intercept this.” She walked/ran towards Rogelio, while turning to Petra and waving.

When she got back to the room, she excused the nannies. Anezka was reading a book on the couch. An English book, but one for a low reading level.

“How is Jane, Petra?” Anezka asked in a voice that was far too casual. Her accent was less thick and it made Petra uncomfortable.

“She's fine, Anezka. She invited you to the wedding.”

Her sister's eyes flickered up to her. She looked surprised. Her fingers tapped the cover of the book.

“You don't have to come,” Petra added. She couldn't really read Anezka's movements.

“No, no, I want to.”

“You need to behave yourself. Really, don't talk to anyone. Promise?”

Anezka nodded fervently. Petra felt this was going to be a mistake, but she wanted to keep her relationship with both her sister and Jane.

Petra checked on the babies. They were both asleep, but she took a couple minutes to look at them. She mustered up as much maternal feelings as she could, and there was some, but not as much as she hoped. She did, however, do something she hadn't done before. She kissed them both on the foreheads.

When she went to bed, she felt wired and found herself staring at the ceiling again. She started to think of excuses for not coming to the wedding, because she wasn't sure how she was going to handle it. Sometimes she wished she was like her mother in this regard; she wasn't sure her mother was ever really in love with anyone, not even the father Petra didn't know. Regardless if Magda had ever felt love, she was good at hiding it. She was good at ignoring her feelings. Maybe it wasn't the most healthy thing, but Petra was tired of her feelings ruining everything. They caused her to fall in love with Rafael, ruining the marriage she was in, they ruined her marriage with Rafael, they ruined whatever her relation with Rafael was after their marriage. And now, they were ruining her relationship with Jane. Jane was her one true friend and, of course, Petra had to go and ruin that by falling in love with her.

She finally fell asleep around two and woke up at seven groggy and annoyed. There was a baby crying, but it stopped before she could get out of bed.

“I have the baby, Petra!” Anezka yelled from the nursery.

The wedding was in five hours and Petra felt no rush to get ready. She had decided shortly before falling asleep that she was going to go to the wedding and just be happy for Jane. She wasn't going to do anything that would upset Jane.

She had room service delivered to the room and ate with Anezka, while the babies sat in their little baby chairs.

“Anezka,” Petra said softly as she rolled a blueberry between her fingers. “Have you ever been in love?”

Anezka somehow nearly choked on a piece of pancake and looked up with large, guilty eyes. “Why you ask?”

“I ask because I wonder if everyone in this family is doomed to have dysfunctional relationships.”

“Dysfunc...” Anezka repeated the word, frowning.

“It means 'not good,' Anezka. It means more complicated than it needs to be. It seems like all of my relationships have been like that.”

“You are in relationship with Rafael?”

“No, not anymore, and I don't really care to be. Despite,” Petra waved her hand at the two babies across the room. “My poor attempt to get him back. But I've moved on.”

“You are in love now?”

Petra dropped her hand and brought it into her lap, her fingers curling tightly into her palm. She didn't know what to say. She was in love, but right now Magda was the only one who knew, and her mother was not the most helpful.

“Yes,” was all she said. Anezka could assume what she wanted.

“It is Jane, no?” Naturally, her assumption was right. Petra closed her eyes and sighed. “Why Jane?”

“Why anyone, Anezka? I can't control who I fall in love with. But it's Jane because she's sweet and kind and she understands me, even better than Rafael does. She's a good person and I think I need that in my life, even if I don't deserve it.”

Anezka was eating a large amount of bacon while Petra was talking, but seemed to be paying attention. Petra leaned forward and put her face in her hands and groaned loudly.

“I know how you feel, my sister. I have loved a person who I did not know if he loved me back.”

Petra was about to ask who Anezka was talking about, but her sister quickly got to her feet.

“Time to get ready, yes?”

“We have three hours.”

“Yes,” Anezka nodded and went into the bathroom before Petra could say more. Her sister was sometimes a mystery, but Petra had too much on her mind to focus on that. All she wanted to do was go to Jane's wedding and not make a fool of herself. That was her only goal.

Two and a half hours later, Petra and Anezka were ready. When Anezka was fixed up, she was actually pretty. Well, she would be prettier if she didn't slouch so much, but other than that, she looked more like Petra than Petra wanted to admit.

“You look like pretty, Petra. Like princess.”

“Thank you, Anezka. You look nice as well. You should dress like that more often.”

“Oh, I do not know.” But Anezka was smiling.

Anezka also looked like she wanted to hug Petra, but Petra wasn't really in a hugging mood so she patted Anezka on the back instead.

“Come on, let's go.”

A wedding of Jane Gloriana Villanueva was exactly how Petra imagined. Simple, yet classy and beautiful. Lilies filled the church while gentle music was played on the organ. Petra and Anezka took their seats near the middle on Jane's side. Anezka was craning her neck, looking all around her, while Petra stiffly stared ahead. Before long, the wedding was beginning. Michael was joined by both parties at the altar before the bridal march started and everyone stood up. And there was Jane. Petra had forgotten to prepare herself for this moment. She thought seeing Jane and Michael together would be the problem, not seeing Jane in her dress. She was gorgeous. 

An elbow nudged her. “Do not cry, sister,” Anezka whispered.

Petra sniffed, but didn't touch her eyes. She would not cry, she would not do anything. This was Jane's day.

After Jane joined Michael, the priest began talking. Some of it was in Spanish, but most of it was in English. Again, it was typical. Some psalms, some hymns, Rogelio read a scripture, then gave a speech (followed by Xiomara cutting it short) and then came the vows. Of course Jane wrote hers, and Michael wrote his as well. Jane's was better, but she got choked up, causing Michael to get choked up. Petra resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She also sensed that Anezka was looking at her, but she kept her gaze forward.

Then it was the exchanging of the rings. She could see Jane's face quivering from where she was sitting. She knew it was a good quivering, a happy quivering, but Petra, secretly, wished it was nerves because she didn't want to do this. That was wishful thinking. Because right now, Jane and Michael were exchanging rings, making promises to love and protect each other, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health. Petra wanted that with someone, she wanted that with Jane. It wasn't fair she had to feel this way, why was she forced to feel this way? The one time she fell in love with someone who could actually be good for her, that person was already in love with someone else.

“If anyone has any objections, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

It happened before she realized it, but Petra found all eyes on her, including Jane's. It took her a second to realize why, but she had stood up as soon as the priest said that. She looked down at Anezka, but her sister looked both bewildered and concerned. She was no help.

“Jane, I, uh...” She said, finally looking at Jane. Jane's mouth was agape, like she knew why Petra had stood up. Or it was just horror that Petra was ruining her wedding. Either way. 

Anezka tugged on the bottom of Petra's dress. Petra wasn't sure if that was telling her to sit down or to say something, regardless, it wasn't helping Petra. Still, too much time had passed and the silence was killing Petra, but probably even worse for Jane. She needed to say something. Anything.

“Jane, I... Jane, I love you.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a slut for positive reinforcement, so I decided to continue this. It's pretty much AU, as in, if Petra did do this at the wedding. Things are obviously changed from the finale.
> 
> Anekza is evil still, but she won't be Petrafying Petra. It'll be more subtle.

“I love you, Jane.”

The silence that followed was painful. Every eye was on her, then on Jane. All the blood had rushed out of Petra's head and she felt like she was going to pass out. She either wanted to sit down or leave at this point, but she still wanted to see what Jane was going to say.

Jane. The poor thing was frozen, her mouth hanging open. Petra made herself glance at Xiomara and Alba. Petra couldn't read Xiomara's expression. She was either horrified or confused or pissed at Petra. Probably all three. Alba looked like she wanted to cry. Petra looked back at Jane, who had turned to Michael and was whispering something to him. Michael looked angry, and Petra wasn't sure if it was at Jane or Petra.

Then Michael looked at Petra and gave her a look. He was angry at her.

Petra couldn't take it anymore. She squeezed past Anezka and quickly walked out of the church. As soon as she was out of anyone's line of sight and outside, she sat on the steps and held her face in her hands. Her breaths started to come in short, sharp bursts and she had to work at calming herself down before she passed out.

“Petra?” It was Anezka.

“Not now, Anezka,” Petra mumbled into her hands.

“I don't think that was good idea.”

Petra's hands smacked down on the hard stone steps before spinning around to look at her sister. Anezka flinched slightly at the look Petra was giving her.

Petra wanted to say something, she wanted to yell at Anezka, yell at someone, but, suddenly, all energy drained from her and she couldn't find the words. Instead, she put her forehead on her knees and sighed heavily.

“God dammit. Why did I do that?”

Anezka placed her bony hand on Petra's back. “You love Jane.”

Petra almost said 'no shit' but she thought she knew what Anezka was trying to do. It still didn't help. Petra did an awful thing. It somehow felt worse than all of the other things she had done. She had told a woman, on said woman's wedding day, that she loved her. It was a shitty thing to do, but, Petra had no planned this. That was the difference. She hadn't weighed pros and cons. She had acted solely on impulse and it was worse.

She could hear voices from inside of the church and she sprung to her feet. She grabbed Anezka's hand and lead her around the back of the church. She couldn't face anyone right now, let alone Jane. She didn't know if Jane went ahead with the wedding, but she supposed she would find out later, when Jane would inevitably yell at her.

Until then, Petra went back to the hotel and went into her room, opting to be alone for a while. She laid face down on the bed, still in her dress, and stayed like that until she had to breath. She turned her head and rested her cheek on the bed. Everytime she heard the door open and close, her stomach clenched, expecting it to be Jane or Rafael.

She watched the sky change color from blue to orange as she tried to not think about what she did to Jane. She fell asleep sometime around 6 and when she woke up, the sky was dark. She felt disoriented and there was a pounding pain in behind her eye. For a second, she forgot what she did.

Then it came back to her. “Shit.”

She rubbed her face and eyes, then slid out of bed. She quickly changed into her pajamas, then walked into the main room, where she was greeted with Rafael sitting on the couch. She stopped in her tracks when she made eye contact with him.

“Petra, we need to talk.”

“Oh? About what?” She said, forcing a smile.

“Don't give me that.” He shook his head and stood up. “What the hell was that about? Did you do that to completely fuck up Jane's wedding? Were you trying to hurt her?”

“Yes, Raf, I said to myself, what would be a great way to mess up Jane's wedding? Oh, I know, I'll tell her I love her because I'm so awful and that was the only thing I could think of.”

Rafael stared at her for a moment, trying to figure her out. His jaw clenched, his eyes studying her face. Petra kept her countenance steady and impassive.

“Do you really love her?” He finally said.

Petra was quiet before her eyes flickered down to the floor and she nodded. “Unfortunately, yes.”

“Why unfortunately?” He asked in a surprisingly soft voice.

Petra scoffed. “Like you don't know.” She looked up at Rafael and saw him swallow. “You left me for Jane, then watched her go back to Michael. I'm pretty sure you know what I feel like.”

Rafael had nothing to say for about two minutes. Then he said, “But I didn't say anything.”

Petra blinked at him, her lower jaw jutted out slightly. Then she shrugged. “Yes, well, you know I don't have the best impulse control.”

He laughed softly, then looked at her sadly.

“What happened? Afterwards.”

“Uh, Michael decided to postpone the wedding. He didn't want the wedding day marred by this.”

Petra ran her hand over her forehead and heaved a sigh. Talking to Rafael had been making her feel better, but now. 

“How did Jane look?”

“The best word I can think of is distraught. I would wait a couple days before you talk to her.”

Petra both wanted to talk to Jane and avoid her completely. She had a lot to say to Jane, but the idea of looking Jane in the eye made her feel sick.

“You're right,” Petra mumbled.

So, Petra's solution to avoid the Villanueva's was to memorize their schedules and stay in her room when she knew at least one of them may be around. She wasn't too scared to Jane, at least not in the same way she was scared of her mother and grandmother. Luckily a lot of her job could be performed over phone or email. If someone requested to meet with her during a time she was pretty sure she could run into one of the Villanueva women, she offered the excuse she had come down with the flu. Nobody wanted to meet with someone with the flu.

It had been two days since the incident and Petra had avoided Jane. She still felt awful, but it had dulled.

Until she saw Jane in the hallway. The two women locked eyes and Jane stared at Petra with an unreadable expression. She had never seen such a blank look on Jane's face. Petra had to look away.

“Jane, I--”

Jane held up her hand, silencing Petra.

“Petra, you had done a lot of things that've... stunned me. Awful things. Then you started to change, started to own up to these things. You started to be more self-conscious of the things you did.”

Petra waited when Jane paused, dreading what she was going to say next. Jane's eyes became more intense as she spoke, but her voice stayed at the same level.

“This, this thing you did, at my wedding... it also stunned me. It was the last thing I expected, at least from you. I expected, well, I expected Rafael to do what you did, or I expected your sister to do something.”

Petra swallowed and Jane closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them, looking right into Petra's eyes.

“Was it true?”

“Was what true?” Petra asked, but she was pretty sure she knew what Jane meant.

“You know.”

Petra willed herself to keep looking at Jane and Jane looked right back at her. Her throat was tight and she was a little worried she was going to vomit right there. She took a few slow, deep breaths, then nodded.

“Yes. Yes, it's true.”

Jane's jaw moved side to side and her eyebrows furrowed. Petra hated not being able to read Jane's expression. Really hated it. Then, Jane's face relaxed, but she didn't smile.

“Petra, I'm sorry, but...”

Petra's face turned down to the floor. “I know, Jane. You love Michael.”

“I do, Petra. But, you know I care about you.”

Petra shook her head, her eyes now closed. Her eyes stung and she would not cry in front of Jane. She had to take a moment before she started talking, fighting against the lump in her throat. “I'm sorry for ruining your wedding, Jane.”

She heard Jane take a step forward, then a hand on her arm. She looked up at Jane.

“It's okay. Michael will get over it. The wedding has been moved to next week.”

Jane's gaze fell to Petra's arm, where her hand was. She looked like she wanted to say more, but Petra didn't want to push. She had done enough already. But, Jane's hand tightened around Petra's arm.

“When did this happen. I mean... when did you know?”

Petra stared at Jane's hand, intently. She had thought about this for a while, but didn't think about how to explain it to Jane. She didn't expect to actually have this conversation with Jane because she had convinced herself Jane wouldn't want to talk to her.

“Can we go in my room, or your room?”

“Um, how about your room? My mom and grandma don't want to see you right now,” Jane said between clenched teeth.

When they got to Petra's room, and after Petra put some tea out, they settled on the couch. Jane held her cup in her hands and looked at Petra patiently, but expectantly.

“I think it's been developing for a while. You've been nothing but nice to me since we've met, before you realized I was an awful person. Yes, I was awful, don't deny it. When we met, despite the crazy circumstances, you made an effort to be my friend, and I value your friendship. But, when I got myself pregnant, and you started helping me, I wasn't used to that. You are so, so...” Petra had to stop for a moment and compose herself. Again, Jane patiently waited. “Good. You are good. A good person. I've known very few people who have helped me without ulterior motives.”

Petra had been looking at the floor while she was talking, but when she looked up, she wished she hadn't. Jane was looking at her with shimmering eyes, her bottom lip pulled into her mouth.

“Jane, please don't cry.”

Jane shook her head. “I won't.”

Petra sighed and continued. “I didn't realize it until recently, because I was focused on other things. Jane, I didn't plan to interrupt your wedding, I promise. It just happened. I wanted you to be happy, with whoever that may be. In this case, it was Michael. I want you to be happy.”

Jane put her hand on Petra's knee and her knee tingled. Jane must have seen something on Petra's face because she withdrew her hand.

“Petra, I wish...” Jane sighed. “I wish I could do something for you. I know crushes are hard.”

Petra so badly wanted to say that she was sure it was more than a crush, that it was stronger than that. But she couldn't, she couldn't do that to Jane again.

“They are.”

Jane smiled sadly at Petra, then stood up. Her mouth opened and closed a couple times.

“Petra, uh, I have something to tell you,” Jane said, closing her eyes. “Michael doesn't want you at the wedding. He's worried that something like this will happen again.”

Petra expected as much, but it still hurt. She nodded. “I understand.”

Jane looked like she wanted to reach out and touch Petra, judging by the way her hand was twitching and her arm moved forward a few times. “I'm sorry, Petra. I tried arguing this, but it honestly made Michael more upset.”

“He doesn't... he doesn't think something is actually happening between us, does he?” Petra asked, trying to sound annoyed, but really, she got some joy out of Michael thinking that. She wouldn't say that to Jane, though.

Jane sighed and shrugged. “I honestly don't know. I didn't bring that up because then it makes it sound like it's more than it is.”

The joy Petra was feeling disappeared when Jane said that.

“So, do your mother and grandmother want to kill me?” Petra asked, somewhat casually. Jane smiled gently.

“A little, yeah. I've never heard my grandma swear in Spanish before. At least not like that. I won't say what she called you. They kinda think you did that to mess my wedding up.”

“So, did you, tell them that's not it?”

Jane avoided Petra's eye for a moment. “Well, I didn't know what was going on. Both possibilities were, complicated. If you did it to mess it up, well, that'd be pretty awful. The other possibility, what actually happened, it was... It is.”

Jane gesticulated, silently, with her hands, for a minute. Her eyes gazed up at the ceiling. Petra wanted Jane to finish her thought, but after about two minutes of hand gestures, she stopped her.

“Jane, it's okay, you don't need to finish. It is complicated, and I'm sorry for putting you in this spot. You've had too many people... do this to you. At least Rafael had the decency to keep his mouth shut.”

Jane didn't argue that and nodded. “It'll smooth over, I'm sure.”

Petra wasn't really sure what Jane expected to “smooth over” but she nodded as well. Jane then excused herself, leaving Petra alone. She didn't know where Anezka went and she didn't really care at the moment. So, she went into the nursery, where the nannies were. She excused them and sat with the babies. They were asleep, so Petra sat in the gliding chair between the cribs, quietly thinking. Jane wasn't angry at her, so that was a plus. Jane really was too good of a person.

The next day, Petra decided to stop worrying about the Villanueva's schedule and ventured out into the hallway in middle of the day. It was going well, she got some work done, spoke with clients, but when she came back, she found herself face to face with Xiomara. The older woman started stalking towards Petra and Petra had to fight her instincts, telling her to move away from Xiomara. 

Xiomara was now standing a foot away from Petra, and while Xiomara was a little bit shorter than Petra, she was wearing heels that were about four or five inches, making her taller than Petra.

“Jane talked to me, and I think you're full of shit,” Xiomara said between bared teeth. 

“Do you? And why is that?”

“You fell in love with Jane? Really? I don't believe that for a second.”

Petra didn't suspect anything she could say would convince Xiomara, so she just crossed her arms and shrugged. “You can think what you want, Xiomara.”

Xiomara clenched her jaw and looked like she wanted to punch Petra. Instead, she pointed her finger at Petra. “Whatever your plan is, don't you dare hurt Jane and don't you dare ruin what she has with Michael.”

“I won't,” Petra said with the utmost honesty. She wasn't going to do that again.

Xiomara looked like she wanted to vent more, but the energy seemed to drain out of her and she dropped her hand.

“Just watch yourself, Petra, and be glad my mom didn't see you.”

Xiomara walked past Petra, and Petra made sure to not turn around, in case Xiomara was looking at her. As soon as she knew Xiomara was gone, she exhaled sharply. Xiomara had every right to be angry, but it didn't make it any less scary. Petra was scared of Jane's disapproval, but she was scared of Xiomara's everything else.

A little bit later, Petra and Rafael sat with the babies. Petra had Elsa, while Rafael had Anna. This time they were awake, so Rafael was having fun talking to Anna, as well as Elsa. Petra tried doing the same, but she felt silly.

“They don't understand us.”

“No, but one day they will and talking to them builds language skills. Maybe you should talk to them in Czech.”

“Won't that confuse them?”

“I don't think so. I grew up in a bilingual household. I mean, it was more English, but my father spoke Spanish sometimes, mostly when he was angry.”

“Well, I spoke Czech most of my life. German, too, I suppose. I was taught English when I was a child, but I didn't use it until I came here. But, I suppose it would be nice to teach the girls Czech. I can talk about you behind your back,” she said with a smirk. Rafael chuckled.

“I could do the same in Spanish.”

“I know some Spanish.”

“Not that much.”

“Hm. I could learn. Anyway. I spoke to Jane.”

Rafael pulled his gaze away from Anna. “Oh?”

“It started off... rough, but I explained myself and she forgave me.”

Rafael looked back at Anna and nudged at her little hand with his finger. “She is a forgiving person. I do know the wedding is back on for next week, so, I'm guessing...”

“I'm not invited, per Michael's request. Which I understand,” Petra said, casually, her eyes cast down at Elsa. She could feel Rafael's eyes on her. “He's allowed to do that. I did screw up his wedding.”

“Yes, but...”

“No buts.” Petra lifted her head up. “If it had been you, instead of me, would you have told Michael you're coming anyway.”

“Well, no, but I think this is a little different.”

“Why?”

“For one, I think Michael hates me more than he hates you, and I feel like he would be more threatened by me than you.”

“Why?” Petra looked squarely into Rafael's eyes. “Because I'm a woman? A woman being in love with another woman isn't as serious as a man being in love with a woman?”

Rafael frowned. “That's not what I mean.”

“Then what do you mean, Rafael?”

Rafael took a moment to think before giving up. “You're right. I just know Michael hates my guts.”

Petra smirked. “This is true.” Then she sighed. “Did Xiomara ever scare you?”

“Oh, she still scares me. She's a strong woman, and I respect that, but she's also very protective of Jane, which I also get.” He smiled down at Anna, who stared back at him. “She's just looking out for her daughter.”

Petra hated when Rafael was right, and he was right. He must have sensed that because he smiled, then suggested they switch babies. Petra agreed, but somewhat reluctantly. Anna was just as cute as her twin, but she moved more, and often cried more. Plus, after a diaper changing mishap, Petra was a little traumatized.

Just as Petra lifted her head to say something to Rafael, she heard a little noise. A high-pitched noise, like a giggle. When she looked down, Anna was smiling at her and laughing. It was a huge, gummy smile and infectious; Petra found herself smiling as well.

“Her first laugh and smile!” Rafael exclaimed. “I didn't get to see Mateo's first smile.”

Petra didn't know what to say. This was the first time she saw her daughters as something other than crying, pooping little creatures. They were little people, one day they would be young women with their own hopes and dreams. Maybe she would never be a mother like Jane—and that was okay—but for the first time, she understood where Jane was coming from.

Tears pricked at her eyes and for once, she let them fall. She sniffed and quickly brushed the underside of her nose with her hand. Some of this reaction was about the twins, but she had a feeling it was everything else bubbling to the surface.

A hand was placed on her back, patting it gently. Rafael didn't say anything, but his body language was all Petra needed. She wasn't in love with Rafael anymore, but they did still have that connection. She smiled at him to show she appreciated it.

When she went to bed that night, for the first time in nights, she didn't fall asleep to the image of everyone staring at her in that church. She did think of Jane, briefly, but for once, she was able to turn off her brain as she fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

As frustrating as her crush—or whatever this was—was, Petra was at least happy it didn't feel overtly sexual. Every relationship she was in, including Rafael, was mostly about the physical. The men she was with weren't bad at sex. In fact, they were pretty good, but other than that, Petra had no real attachment to them. Rafael being the exception. Regardless, there was still something missing from their relationship.

With Jane, Petra felt this need to just be around her, to connect with her. It was different than anything else she had felt before. It was both comforting and unnerving.

She wasn't sure if she was unconsciously preventing herself from thinking about Jane in that way, or it just wasn't there, but her mind didn't go there. Until, however, the incident at Jane's wedding. For the first time, several days after, and three days before round two of the Jane and Michael wedding, she had an erotic dream about Jane Villanueva. It started off normal, Petra and Jane having a conversation about something, until Jane leapt across the table, kissed Petra, and promptly shoved her hand down Petra's shorts.

Petra had woken up shortly after that, panting and her body humming with sexual energy. The dream was burned into her brain all day and she didn't want to face Jane. She had already put the poor girl through too much, and Jane was so forgiving, and the last thing Petra wanted to do was make her feel uncomfortable.

The first person she considered talking to was Rafael, but that seemed weird, as he could relate too much. The last thing she wanted to talk to Rafael about was fantasies about Jane. She certainly wasn't going to talk to her mother, or Anezka. Petra's go-to person to talk to was sometimes Jane, but, that obviously couldn't work.

One positive of all this was she started spending more time with the twins. Their presence was comforting, when they weren't crying. She liked to tell them the details, then try to work it out herself. She left out the details about the sex dream, of course, since she didn't really know how much they understood.

That same day, or evening, Jane showed up. Petra hadn't seen her since their talk and she couldn't tell if Jane had been avoiding her. When Petra heard the knock on the door, she was very surprised to find Jane there.

“Oh, Jane. Um, do you need something?” Petra asked. She put on an impassive mask, keeping her tone level, but not unkind.

Jane fussed with her hands, her gaze turned down to the floor. Petra watched her hands closely, then her face.

“Can I come in?”

Petra nodded and stood aside, while Jane moved past her. She sat down on the couch and looked up at Petra, who moved to sit next to Jane—but not too close.

“Is something wrong?”

“No,” Jane shook her head. “Well, not really. Michael's acting weird. He's been acting weird since the wedding.”

Obviously. Petra would think it was weird if Michael wasn't acting strangely. Someone—a woman—stood up and proclaimed her love for his bride in front of the whole church. “What did he say?” Petra asked anyway, out of curiosity.

Jane straightened a pillow that was already straight. “Nothing. I can just feel it. He's become quieter around me and a little stand-offish.”

“Jane, to be honest, I'm surprised you wanted to talk to me about this, since, well, I was the one who caused this.”

Jane looked up at Petra, her eyes wide. “Petra, you know I'm not upset with you about this.”

“I know, you said that, but isn't it... weird for you?”

Jane shrugged. “For some reason, it's not.”

She didn't say more about that, even though Petra desperately wanted her to. Petra tried communicating that through a very meaningful stare, but Jane either didn't get that or she was choosing to not elaborate.

“Besides, I can't talk to anyone else. My family, especially my mom and grandma, are very anti-you right now. They will immediately take Michael's side. But you, it's weird, you know who I can't figure out right now? My dad. He loves Michael, adores him, but he also loves drama, so when you stood up... He can't stop talking about it. He said it was so telenovela.”

Petra tried to think of something to say, but it was difficult. Her life often felt like a telenovela, but this, involving Jane, she wished it wasn't so complicated. She appreciated drama in telenovelas and other television shows, but her own life? She didn't need the drama. She wished it was more simple. Rogelio, though, seemed to like drama whether he was acting or in his own life.

“Does he hate me?”

“That's what I can't figure out. He feels for Michael, but unlike my mom and grandma, he hasn't said a bad word against you.”

“Hm.”

“If he hated you, he'd say so.”

“So, I have Rogelio on my side,” Petra sighed. Jane smiled weakly at her, and Petra couldn't help but smile as well.

“Possibly,” Jane said with a shrug. “I've only known him for less than two years, so I haven't completely figured him out yet.”

Petra looked at Jane fondly, who was studying the pattern in one of the throw pillows. 

“Sometimes I wonder what my father was like. Sometimes, I think, maybe he was a good man, so there's a chance for me to be good as well. That my personality didn't completely come from my mother.”

“You're not like your mother,” Jane said quickly, now staring right into Petra's eyes. “You're working to be a good person.”

“Yes, exactly, I'm working at it. It doesn't come naturally, like it does for some people.” Petra gave Jane a pointed look

Jane showed her comprehension by nodding slightly. “You're still trying, though. I think that matters. Maybe you have some similarities with your mother; you're both determined, I'll give your mother that.”

Petra laughed softly. “She is determined, that is true. And we both struggle with being mothers.”

Jane reached out to Petra, grabbing her wrist. Petra swore she saw something flash across Jane's face, but it was gone. “Petra, you have struggled, but everyday I see you grow as a mother. My mom struggled, and still struggles, to be a mother sometimes, and, well...”

“She got a great daughter,” Petra finished. She felt Jane tighten her grip on her wrist.

“She had help. You have help too. You have Rafael, and you have me.”

“Anna smiled at me,” Petra mumbled. Her chest felt tight and she needed to change the subject. “And laughed.”

“Oh!” Jane gasped, her grip now like a vice. “That's so exciting!”

“I thought you'd be excited,” Petra smiled. “It was very cute.”

“Oh, the first time Mateo smiled at me I cried.” Jane didn't ask if Petra cried. “I know it's silly, but all these little moments are special.”

“You're going to be a mess when he graduates from high school.”

“Oh, I'm gonna be a mess when he graduates kindergarten. And when, and if, he gets married?” Jane waved her hand. “I'm sure you'll feel the same for the girls.”

Petra couldn't imagine it right now, but she nodded. “Perhaps.”

The next day, Petra felt like she had to get something off her chest. It was wearing on her, and what Jane was telling her, she felt like she had to do something, even if it was brief talk. She needed to talk to Michael. She knew he hated her. Hated her for ruining their wedding, forcing them to push it back, hated her for humiliating him, and professing her love to his fiancee. Petra understood that. Petra would have hated him if he did that at her own wedding.

It was weird, going to his house. She didn't call beforehand, or even tell Jane about this, because she knew Michael was say no. But she just needed to talk to him. When she knocked on his door, he answered in boxers and a t-shirt. He was surprised, then annoyed, and nearly slammed the door in her face. But she was quick.

“Michael, we need to talk.”

“I don't think there's anything to say, Petra. What's done is done.”

“Please. This will be quick.”

Michael stared at Petra for a second, then stood aside. It was a modest home, especially after living in the Marbella. It wasn't bad, just, it needed something.

Michael directed her to the couch and they both sat down.

“Michael, you can hate me for as long as you want. We don't even have to talk after this, I just needed to get this out. I did not plan to do that at your wedding, but I also didn't lie. I did love Jane.” Do love Jane, but Michael didn't need that. “But I also will not stand in your way. Jane clearly loves you.”

Everytime she said that, or even thought it, it left a bad taste in her mouth. The truth tasted bitter. 

Michael leaned forward and rested his arms on his knees. “You know, falling in love with Jane Villanueva was more complicated than I expected. Falling in love with a girl so wonderful, apparently means everyone else falls in love with her, too.”

Michael didn't say anything for a while, nor did Petra. She waited for him to continue.

“I appreciate you for talking to me, Petra. Jane told me this stuff already, but, I didn't believe her. I didn't believe you. You've done a lot of shitty things before, and while this isn't so nefarious, it's still shitty.”

Petra nodded.

“Regardless, I don''t like you hanging around Jane,” he said, now looking at Petra.

Petra expected this, sort of it. It was in the back of her mind, but she hoped talking to Michael would smooth this over. She hoped it wouldn't come to this.

“I don't like Rafael hanging around her, either, but they have a baby together, so I can't stop that.”

“But Mateo and the twins are siblings, and you know Jane, she wants them to be family.”

“Rafael and Jane can work that out.”

Michael was being too calm and it was making Petra angry. He wasn't smiling, but there was an aura of smugness around him. Petra had to take a few, slow breaths so she didn't end up punching Michael.

“Jane's going to try to see me, anyway,” Petra said, holding her head high. “We're friends.”

“I know, but you're going to try to avoid her. Tell her you're busy, tell her there's too much stuff going on. I don't know. You're creative.”

“And why would I do this?”

Michael closed his eyes. “Because you know, deep down, this is the best thing. You want Jane to be happy, right? Well, then, this is the best thing.”

He stood up, but Petra stood up too. “Find other friends. Ones you're not in love with and is not getting married. Leave us alone.”

Petra clenched her fists and she stared into Michael's icy eyes. A very, very small part of her was impressed with Michael standing up to her. The rest of her wanted to hit him. But that wouldn't be part of “letting Jane be happy.”

To avoid hitting him, she started to leave, but before she did, she turned back to him. “Jane is not going to be happy when she finds out.”

“She won't know. I won't tell her, and you won't either.”

Petra almost said, “Like hell I won't.” But then, she realized he was right. It would cause more problems if Petra told on Michael. Problems Petra didn't need.

She gave him one last pointed glare before turning and leaving. Jane didn't deserve any of this. She didn't deserve Michael, she didn't deserve Rafael, and she didn't deserve Petra. She deserved someone who didn't manipulate her, was more upfront with her. 

She had to grip the steering wheel tightly to avoid veering off the road. And she wouldn't cry. She wouldn't give Michael the satisfaction, even if he couldn't see her. Ever since she had the twins, her emotions were much closer to the surface; she never used to cry or feel like crying this much.

When she got back to the hotel, she didn't go up to her room. Instead, she sat in the lobby, at one of the tables and ordered some iced tea. While she waited, she thought about what Michael said. She didn't like the idea of not seeing Jane; despite how Petra felt about Jane, they were still friends. Petra's only friend. But, as much as she hated Michael, she couldn't help but feel like he was right. Michael and Jane loved each other, and even though Michael was far from perfect, Jane really loved him. Michael was still better than most of the men Petra had been with, not like that was difficult.

Staying away from Jane would be very painful, but perhaps it was for the best. Maybe she just needed to step back and let Jane have a normal life for once. Both Petra and Jane had experienced a lot of drama over the past two years, but maybe at least one of them could be free of it.

Shortly after Petra got her iced tea, she saw something move out of the corner of her eye. For a second she thought it was Anezka, who liked to slink around. Instead, someone slipped into the chair in front of her. It was Rogelio.

“I have been wondering where you were,” Rogelio said, over-enunciating in his accent, as usual. 

“I'm surprised you want to talk to me. Jane's mother and grandmother want to see my head on a pike,” Petra said, sipping her tea.

“Yes, well, they can be a bit dramatic.”

Petra couldn't tell if he was kidding or not. Calling someone “dramatic” when you're Rogelio de la Vega, is a bit of a black kettle situation.

“I know where you're coming from,” Rogelio said suddenly. Suddenly enough Petra almost didn't hear him.

She wanted clarification anyway. “Pardon?”

“I too have loved someone who I cannot have. I know what it feels like.”

Petra sipped her tea and stared at Rogelio. Rogelio sighed wistfully.

“You're talking about Xiomara?”

He nodded. “We love each other, but circumstances prevent us from being together.”

“Well, my situation is a little bit different. Jane doesn't love me in that way, and she's getting married.”

“How do you know she doesn't love you?”

Petra had taken another drink, but almost choked when he said that. Her eyes darted back up to look at him, and he looked completely earnest.

“That's ridiculous.”

“Petra,” he said, leaning forward. Petra wasn't sure if she had heard him say her name before. Have they ever even really spoke like this? “I love Michael. We're bros. And honestly, I don't know much about you, other than the horrible stuff I've heard about you. But when you stood up like that, full of so much emotion, I felt a connection to you. People were saying that you did that to ruin Jane's wedding, but I think you did that because you truly love her.”

Petra had to look away from Rogelio. He was giving her a look that reminded her of Jane. Those furrowed eyebrows, those puppy-dog eyes.

“It doesn't matter,” she mumbled. “She loves Michael, Michael loves her, Michael hates me, I hate Michael.”

“And you love Jane.”

“And Jane likes me, like a friend. I don't have any friends, Rogelio. Maybe I should just take that.” That is, if she ever gets to see Jane.

“You do have friends,” Rogelio said, leaning forward even more. 

Petra arched an eyebrow. “Who?”

“Me?” Rogelio said with a charming smile. Despite her mood, Petra smiled. “Are you going to their wedding? Again?”

“I'm not allowed. Michael forbade it.” That came out in more of a mocking tone than she intended.

“Hm. I will speak with Michael.”

“No use, I already spoke with him, shortly before I came here. It didn't do any good.” She wasn't sure if she should tell Rogelio about what Michael told her. “Besides, I can't go through that again. It'll be too painful. And I don't need Xiomara and Alba shooting death glares at me.”

Rogelio was quiet, for once, and nodded. He was also staring at Petra, making her uncomfortable.

“You're not as bad as everyone says,” he said in an uncharacteristically non-dramatic voice.

Not sure how to respond to that, Petra said, “thank you?”

“I've just heard a lot about you. But you just seem lonely. I know what that feels like.”

Petra scoffed. “You have legions of fans, you have a loving family.”

“Maybe I don't feel the same loneliness as you, but before I found Jane, there was something missing from my life. I had a family, my parents, and I love them, but there was something missing.”

To Petra's surprise, she knew what Rogelio was talking about. She didn't know what exactly she was missing, but she did know that when she was with Jane, she felt an inkling of what she was missing. How strange that she and Rogelio were thinking about the same person, but in completely different ways.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” She asked. She genuinely wanted to know. While she and Rogelio hadn't spent much time together, he was surely aware of the things she had done. The Villanueva's surely knew.

But, Rogelio seemed somewhat confused by this question. Petra almost elaborated, but Rogelio started talking. “I know the things you have done. But as an actor, I know a lot about human behavior.”

Rogelio paused, seemingly for dramatic effect. He was acting normally again. Then he went on. “I study people. Maybe some of my portrayals are a little bit over-exaggerated, but that does not mean they do not come from a sincere place. As an actor, I also know things are not always black and white. So you did some bad things, that does not mean you are a bad person. Jane would not spend so much time with you if she did not think you had some goodness in there.”

Petra stared at Rogelio. Being overwhelmed was not an emotion she did well with, and hearing Rogelio saying these things, well, she did not know how to react. So she stared. And Rogelio sighed, not really paying attention to Petra's wide-eyed stare.

“Love is hard. And I am conflicted. I want Jane and Michael together, but at the same time...” He leaned forward on his hand and elbow. “I can see how much you love her.”

Petra looked down at the table. Then a hand reached forward and grabbed hers. 

“I cannot tell you what your next step should be, but I can tell you are a strong woman. You can make your own decisions. And I cannot tell you to fight for Jane.”

It seemed like he was. Petra squinted at him. For someone who liked to express his emotions in spectacular ways, he sure was being vague. Petra didn't like vagueness. But she understood why he was doing this. He was protecting himself, because he did not know how Jane would react. Petra knew this because she also didn't know how Jane would react, if Petra pursued her further. Jane was unbelievably forgiving to this one incident, but she may not take too kindly if Petra continued doing this. Her family—Rogelio being the exception, apparently—certainly would not like this.

Rogelio squeezed her hand. “It's hard, I know.”

Petra's first instinct was to snap at him, because no shit it's hard. She's in love with a person she cannot be with, for a number of reasons. But, she fought it down and told herself he was trying to help and trying to be her friend. And she needed more friends, especially in Jane's family.

Petra held her head up high, looked directly at Rogelio, and said, “I'm going to Jane's wedding.”

Petra jumped slightly when Rogelio gasped, then he calmed himself. “That's good.”

“I am not fighting for Jane, though. It will be what it will be.”

Rogelio seemed disappointed by this, but he nodded. “I understand. I will help you with Xiomara and Alba.”

“And Michael.”

“Yes, and Michael.”

Rogelio smiled at her, squeezed her once more, then let go and stood up. “If I can offer you some positive words; Jane cares about you. Who knows what can come from that?”

Then he left, leaving Petra with those words, and leaving her to wonder if those were really positive words. It was another vague statement. Was that an actor thing? Regardless, Petra did feel a little bit better after talking to Rogelio, of all people. It was nice to know she did have a blood relative of Jane on her side.

Then she realized she had committed to going to the wedding. To only Rogelio, sure, but Rogelio had said some really nice things about her and she felt uneasy about going against her word. She would go to the wedding, avoid the Villanueva's, and just let Jane enjoy her day. She would not interrupt, she would not make Jane feel weird, she would not do anything.

Still. Rogelio made it sound like she had a chance with Jane. She hated false hope. Really, really hated it. So, was this false hope? Should she just let it go and wait for her crush, or whatever this was, go away, or should she make a little bit of an effort? It was unfair to Jane to put her in that position, because Jane had already been in that position. She did not need more people fighting over her. Nor did she need to know Petra had had an erotic dream about her.

Petra leaned forward on her elbows, her face buried in her hands. As Rogelio had helpfully pointed out, it was hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Petition for Petra and Rogelio to have scenes together in season 3.


	4. Chapter 4

The wedding was the next day and was looming over Petra as soon as she woke up. Thankfully, Anezka wasn't bothering her, because Petra was not in the mood. In fact, Anezka wasn't around as much. Normally Petra would care a little bit more, but she had other things on her mind.

She had not decided what she wanted to do about Jane yet. She had spent half the night mulling it over. Weighing the pros and cons. Pro, she loves Jane and Jane cares about her. Con, Jane does not seem to love Petra in that way. Pro, Jane is good for Petra. Con, is Petra good for Jane? Pro, they have children who are siblings. Con, Michael Cordero.

Jane already knew Petra loved her, but she seemed to pass it off as a crush. Or, at least, that was what Jane was telling herself. Would it really solve anything if Petra made more of an attempt? If Jane was not interested now, Petra figured she would never be. She loved Michael. Pursuing Jane further would likely make things worse.

She continued to think about this as she ate breakfast, then spent time with the twins. Rafael stopped by around noon, taking both babies in his arms.

“Are you okay?” He asked, bouncing Elsa and Anna in his arms. “You look tired.”

“I didn't sleep well,” she mumbled, resisting the urge to rub her eyes.

Rafael clicked his tongue softly. He knew why Petra didn't sleep well. He really did know her too well sometimes, and since they weren't together anymore, it seemed like they had a stronger connection. It was both comforting and strange.

“Are you going tomorrow?” He asked after a minute of silence.

“Yes, despite Michael's wishes.”

“You spoke to Michael?”

She nodded. “I thought it would help things. It did not. He's uncomfortable with me being there. So, congratulations to me, I think Michael dislikes me more than you.”

Petra forced a smile, but Rafael frowned.

“That's bullshit. Does he really think you'd try that again?” When Petra looked away from him, he asked, “you won't try it again, will you?”

She turned back to him, her eyes rolling dramatically. “Who knows?”

“Well, I'd think you'd know.”

“I didn't plan doing it last time, so,” she shrugged.

“Petra, I'm really kind of worried about you. Trust me, this can only get worse.”

She finally actually looked at Rafael again. “Rafael, do not compare your situation with Jane with mine. You had your chance, Jane did love you, but you blew it, and she has moved on. I was a rival of Jane, then we were...” Petra waved her hands, “friends. Weird friends, but friends nonetheless. Then, well, I fell in love with Jane. You were never Jane's friend. She got pregnant with your baby, then you two had that fling. Maybe it seemed serious at some point, but she moved on. It lost its charm.”

She hadn't initially planned to be so mean, but she was tired of hearing all the negativity. So far, Rogelio was the only one to be remotely positive, and the only one to be helpful. 

Normally, she would get some satisfaction to put that hurt look on Rafael's face, but now, she felt a stab of guilt. Was it because she was worn out from everything that had been happening lately, or was she really changing? 

She sighed. “Raf, I'm sorry. I'm just...”

Rafael's hurt expression remained for a moment longer, then disappeared. He nodded. “No, I understand. But I really think you should back off. I'm not saying that because of my feelings for Jane. Despite our history, despite the stuff that happened between us, I do not really want to see you get hurt. You're my daughters' mother, and I do care about you.”

Petra tapped her finger on the arm of the couch. “Noted.”

She wasn't looking at Rafael, but she could feel his eyes on her. He then passed one of the babies to her. She was pretty sure it was Elsa. She smiled at her daughter.

“I know you're tough, Petra, and you don't like to give up, but...” Rafael sighed and put his hand on Petra's arm. “Just be smart.”

She wanted to be offended, but she knew what he meant. She nodded, then looked at him.

“Don't worry. I will be.”

Later that evening, when the twins were sleeping, Petra went to the bar in the hotel. She wasn't one to drown her feelings in alcohol, but she needed something. And she needed to get out of her room. It wasn't too crowded at the bar, but there was still some people. She sat the farthest away from the guests as she could, but also tried her best to appear friendly. After she ordered a martini, she happened to look to her left, and found Luisa sitting at the other end of the bar, looking at Petra. When they made eye contact, Luisa smiled and moved to sit next to Petra.

“Hey.”

Petra stared straight ahead. “Hello, Luisa.”

Silence fell over them, and Petra could practically feel Luisa shaking with things she wanted to say. She made Luisa wait a little bit longer before she turned and looked at Luisa, as well as the glass she had in her hands.

“It's iced tea,” Luisa told her, following Petra's eyes. “I just like sitting here sometimes. I'm fine.”

“Where's your girlfriend?”

“I don't know,” Luisa sighed. “Susanna's been acting weird. Is it weird we haven't had sex yet?”

The martini was brought to Petra and she preoccupied herself with that for a moment, to avoid having to answer Luisa's question. She finished it too quickly, though.

“I suppose.”

“I mean, she won't even let me see her naked. We've done some hand-stuff, but it's clothes on, and we don't do it to orgasm.”

“Luisa. Boundaries.” Petra said in her most patient tone.

“Right, sorry. Um, Petra, can I ask you something? You don't have to answer if you don't want to.” When Petra motioned for Luisa to continue, she did, “Was Jane the first woman you've um, loved, or...”

“You're asking me if I've loved any other women?” Petra then debated telling Luisa, because nobody knew. Except for her mother, but Magda never brought it up. It was the past, Petra's childhood. But, she figured if she told anyone, Luisa would be the best person. “I did love another girl. When I was fifteen.”

Luisa's eyes went wide, like she didn't except Petra to say that. “What happened to her?”

“I don't know,” Petra said honestly. “I haven't seen her in over fifteen years. Her name was Ema.” 

As the memory of Ema suddenly rushed back into her head, she sighed. “She was tall, taller than me, and had long, dark hair, and blue eyes.”

Despite herself, and despite Luisa staring at her, Petra smiled at the memory. She hadn't thought about Ema in a long time. As she remembered more, her smile went away.

“We went to school together. As soon as I met her, I loved her. And she loved me. We spent all of our time together.”

Petra stopped and slid the martini glass back and forth with her fingers. A lump was forming in her throat. She felt Luisa's eyes on her.

“We shared so many secrets and I trusted her. She was my first kiss. I thought, maybe, we would have a happy life together. But, our families found out about us, and Ema and her family moved away. My mother said, 'You will forget about this, Na- Petra. You will forget about these attractions, and you will forget about Ema. You will find a nice man and move on.'”

Luisa exhaled sharply. “Oh, Petra.”

“And, eventually, I did forget about Ema and my 'attractions.' Until I met Jane.”

Luisa's hand was now on Petra's back, rubbing it gently. Petra let her.

“I'm so sorry. I know what it's like to crush on a straight girl. It's tough.”

Petra chewed on her bottom lip. “How do we know she's straight?”

“Uh, 'cause she's marrying Michael, and she had a thing for Rafael?”

“So?” Petra turned on the stool so she could fully face Luisa. “I was married to Rafael. And Lachlan. I slept with Roman. I don't know what I am, but I do know—and I know this now—I am not straight.”

Luisa shrugged. “That is true. But, I don't know, I don't get vibes from Jane.”

“You didn't get vibes from me and-- what?” Luisa was smiling sheepishly at her.

“I did get vibes, shortly after I met you. The way you checked me out? Your eyes lingered a little bit too much.”

“Why didn't you say anything?”

“What would I've said? 'Uh, Raf, your girlfriend seems a little gay.' Plus, nobody listened to what I said, anyway.”

Petra gestured to the bartender and ordered another martini, as well as another iced tea for Luisa.

“So, what should I do about Jane? The wedding is tomorrow and I have been forbidden to attend. Jane wants me there, I think, but she also doesn't want to cause problems for Michael. And her father, of all people, suggested I go. Apparently he is somewhat of a supporter of this, at least for the dramatics of it.”

“And what way were you leaning?”

“Well,” Petra took the martini as soon as it was handed to her. “I was thinking about attending, but as far as what I do there, I don't know. Maybe it's not worth causing problems.”

“Petra, Jane knows you love her, right? Has she stopped hanging out with you?”

“No, she's been really sweet about it.”

Despite her averted eyes, Petra sensed Luisa was smiling at her. When she turned, she saw for herself. Luisa was grinning. Petra knew what Luisa was going to say and stopped her. 

“You told me, about a year ago, that Rafael still loved me. Do you know what I did? I inseminated myself, with a turkey baster.” 

“That's how you did it? I wondered.”

“Do you know what I was thinking, when I was lying on the the couch, my legs up in the air? I was thinking about how, apparently, the only way to get someone to love me is to trap them. I wondered if Rafael was really worth it. I wondered, if this was worth it, if I was worth it. I don't like second-guessing myself, Luisa.”

Luisa stared at Petra, her eyes watery. “I'm sorry.”

Petra shook her head. “I'm not mad at you,” she said, honestly. “Maybe I was for a little bit, but I probably would have done it even if you hadn't said anything. Apparently I do stupid things when I'm in love.”

What Luisa did next, made Petra nearly fell off her stool. Well, she would have if Luisa's arms weren't around her. Luisa squeezed her, while Petra's arms awkwardly pressed against her sides.

“I'm so, so sorry, Petra,” Luisa mumbled in a shaky voice.

“Please don't cry, Luisa,” Petra sighed. But she was still touched.

“I'm not,” Luisa said, unconvincingly. She sniffed, then held Petra tighter for a little bit longer before letting Petra go. Her eyes were puffy and red, but she smiled. “I can't tell you want to do, Petra.”

“Nobody seems to be able to,” Petra mumbled.

“Do you want someone to tell you what to do?” Luisa asked, amused.

“No,” Petra sighed. “I don't.” But, at the same time, she did. She wanted someone to just say what she should do. She hated being morally conflicted like this.

“I'm not gonna fill you with false hope again. But, you know, you did get two beautiful daughters out of false hope. I know you struggled with that, but you've come really far. Maybe false hope is difficult, but good can come from it.”

Petra squinted at Luisa, but smiled a little. “When did you get so wise?”

Luisa blushed. “Well.” She shrugged and sipped at her iced tea. She didn't seem to have much else to say, so Petra excused herself.

When Petra went back to her room, the twins were already asleep, as was Anezka, so Petra went into her room and changed into her pajamas. She lied in bed for awhile, staring out the window. Despite talking to two people who were encouraging to her, she still didn't know what to do about tomorrow. She wanted the night to last forever, just so she didn't have to think about this anymore, but she fell asleep shortly after lying down.

She was walking down the aisle of a church, a church that looked like the one Jane was to be married in, but it had some differences. There was no one in the pews. She looked up and there was Jane, in her wedding dress, waiting for Petra, smiling at her. There was no priest, just Jane and Petra. Jane started to talk, but no words came out, but she continued to smile. When Petra turned her head, to look out onto the church, she realized it was filled. Well, Jane's side was filled, Petra's side just had Anezka, Magda, and the twins. The twins were older, maybe three or so. Magda was shaking her head and scowling. But when Petra looked at Xiomara and Alba, they were smiling.

When Petra looked back at Jane, Michael and Rafael were standing on either side of Jane, holding her arms. They were trying to pull her away, but she wasn't moving.

“And do you, Petra, take Jane Gloriana Villanueva, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?”

“I do--”

A distant thumping noise stopped her and she looked around, looking for the source. Nobody else was reacting to it, and Michael and Rafael continued to try to pull Jane away. Her vision started to blur, and when there was another thud, everything went black.

She was startled awake by someone knocking on the door. At first, she thought it had been a part of a dream, the dream still fresh in her head. She looked around her room, her eyes blurry. She almost went back to sleep until she heard it again. Someone was aggressively knocking on the door.

Rubbing her eyes, she slid out of bed and put on a robe, and went to the door. Checking the peek-hole, she saw an angry Jane Villanueva, scowling at the door.

“Petra! Let me in!”

And she did and immediately knew Jane was drunk. 

“Good evening, Jane. May I help you?”

“Yeah, yeah, you can help me!” Jane nearly shouted. Her anger here was not the same as when she found out Petra was lying to her. Them, Jane's anger was focused and quiet, but now? She couldn't even focus her eyes, plus she was being very loud.

“Would you like to come in? There are people sleeping.” Jane nodded and walked past Petra, promptly flopping down on the couch. “Were you out tonight?”

“Yeah, Lina wanted to throw a second bachelorette party and who am I to say no, so you know?” Jane snorted and shrugged.

“And you weren't having fun?” Petra carefully sat next to Jane.

“Oh, I was having loads of fun until someone brought you up and said you're awful, so I defended you, then I got mad because why am I defending you? You ruined my wedding. You know, you know I haven't stopped thinking about this since it happened?”

Petra had a twinge of happiness, mixed in with mostly trepidation, because she had feeling this wasn't going to go well. She shook her head. “No, I didn't know that.”

“Yeah, well, I haven't. Sometimes it makes me mad because how dare you do that to me, I was getting married. I was getting married, to Michael Cordero! He's a great guy, you know? I love him! And then you? You told me you loved me, at my wedding!” Jane was gesticulating wildly and Petra had to sit back a little to avoid getting hit. “I thought Rafael was going to do that! Michael didn't want him there because he was scared Rafael was going to stand up, but you? You surprised everyone!”

Jane then stopped and buried her face in her hands. Petra debated putting her hand on Jane's shoulder or back, but she decided against that. Then, Jane's head shot up and she stared, no, glared, at Petra.

“Do you still love me?”

“What?” Petra definitely heard Jane, but she needed a moment to process the question.

“Do you still love me?” She repeated. “I'm assuming you do, 'cause who stands up like that if you didn't really, really love me?”

Petra stared at Jane for a few seconds, then looked down at her knees. She definitely did, especially judging by that dream she just had. But her love had always been a cautious one, especially after the wedding. It was more obvious now, since a lot more people knew about it, but she was still careful to not act on it. But it was still there. She nodded.

“Yes, Jane, I still love you,” she said quietly, her eyes darting up to look at Jane.

Jane studied Petra's face, her eyes a little bit more focused. Petra's heart was hammering in her chest and she sensed where this was going next. She was proved to be right when Jane moved towards her. The only thing she could think to do was turn her head, so Jane ended up kissing her cheek. It took Jane a moment to realize her lips were on Petra's cheek, because she held them there for a few seconds. When she pulled back, she looked confused.

“Jane, I think you should go back to your room,” Petra said, her voice soft. “Before you do something you regret.”

“What's sex like?” Jane asked suddenly.

Petra blinked at her. “Uh, do you really want to know?”

Jane nodded, hard.

“Okay. It's fine,” she said. “Sometimes it's uncomfortable. Both physically and emotionally. Sometimes it's quick, because the guy doesn't know what he's doing, and other times it takes too long because, again, he doesn't know what he's doing. Sometimes, it's really good.”

Jane was listening intently, her mouth hanging open. Then her next question made Petra blush. “What's an orgasm like?”

Petra cleared her throat. “You've never had one?”

“No, I haven't had sex, remember?”

“You don't have to have sex to have an orgasm, Jane,” Petra told her, slightly incredulous. 

Surely a sober Jane would not have been so confused, but this Jane, she was. Petra could see her thinking about it, then she nodded.

“Oh, okay, like masturbation. I haven't masturbated.”

If Petra had been talking to someone else, she probably would not have blushed so much, but Jane saying that word was a little bit too much.

“I do my research, when I'm writing, because I don't really know what it feels like. What does it feel like?”  
“...Masturbation?” Petra's throat was suddenly dry.

Jane shook her head, her eyes closed. “No, an orgasm.”

It was too late in the evening for this discussion, and Jane was too drunk, but Petra figured Jane wouldn't remember this anyway.

“Well,” Petra said with a deep breath, “it sort of builds. Your body becomes warm, and your breathing picks up. Then, your body, like your legs, for example, start to shake uncomfortable, like in spasms. It's like, every nerve ending is on fire, and you're hyper-aware, as you come closer and closer to that edge. If your partner knows what they are doing, they know how to get you close to that edge, but know when to pull back. They know how to give you just enough, to keep you there. At that point, well,” Petra had to stop for a moment, to clear her throat. “At that point, one is usually pretty sensitive, so when that time finally comes, oh it's like someone pours warm water down your spine. Then, it just spreads, filling you.”

“The penis?”

The way Jane asked that, Petra almost laughed, but then saw she was completely serious. “No, Jane, not the penis. The feeling. The feeling fills you. Then, your body will sort of, spasm—good spasms—for a few seconds. Then, your body relaxes and you feel peaceful.”

“According to my research, the clitoris is the most sensitive.” Jane said this like she was discussing research with a colleague.

“Yes,” Petra said slowly, not really sure where Jane was going with this. And Jane didn't go anywhere with that. In fact, she didn't say anything more and looked like she was going to fall asleep. “Jane, maybe you should go back to your room.”

Jane just shook her head and curled up on the couch. So, all Petra could do was put a throw blanket around Jane. As Petra started to get up, Jane grabbed her arm.

“No, stay here,” she mumbled.

For once, Petra's instincts were making sense and telling her she shouldn't stay there, but she was also getting too good at not listening to them. She grabbed another blanket and curled up on the other end of the couch. Jane was already snoring softly, and Petra couldn't help but smile a little. She was probably going to regret letting Jane sleep there, but at the moment, she was too tired to care.

She fell asleep with Jane's hand still wrapped around her arm.


	5. Chapter 5

The light streaming through the windows was what woke up Petra, but that was slow. What really woke her up was the sensation of someone lying on her feet. She blearily turned her head and it took her a moment to process Jane's head resting on her legs. Her eyes shot open and she carefully withdrew her legs. Jane groaned, her hands going to her head.

“Michael, hush...” she mumbled. Then her face scrunched and her eyes opened, looking around. When she locked eyes with Petra, she sat up, too fast. She groaned again. “What happened?”

“Well, Jane, you knocked on my door late last night, demanding you talk to me, then you told me off, then you...” Petra remembered Jane had tried to kiss her, and then she remembered explaining orgasms to Jane. She bent her neck when she felt a blush overtake her face. “Then you fell asleep.”

“Did anything... happen?” Jane asked with complete seriousness.

“Jane, you were drunk, I'm not that much of an asshole,” Petra said, not without some humor. 

“Shit,” Jane groaned, rubbing her face. She pulled out her phone, then turned it on. “Crap, I turned it off and... yeah.”

Jane's phone started vibrating wildly as texts from the night before came flooding in. She stared at it, a grimace on her face.

“They probably think I died or something,” Jane sighed.

“No, it's worse, you were with me all night,” Petra said with a tight smile. Jane did smile at that.

Jane texted all the people who had texted her, presumably telling them she was okay. When she was done, she flopped back against the backrest of the couch, her head hanging over the back. Petra didn't say anything for a while, not sure what to say.

“Maybe you should go... to your room, or to Michael?” Petra asked quietly. She was starting to remember what Michael told her, that he didn't want her hanging around Jane. She wasn't scared of Michael, at all, but she was scared of hurting Jane.

Jane brought her head back up. There was a weird look on her face. 

“Do you mind if I stay here for a little bit longer?” Jane asked, her voice uncharacteristically soft.

“Yes, Jane, of course. Do you want something? Coffee? Tea? Something to eat?”

Jane sat up straighter. “Coffee, please.”

Petra nodded and stood up. She went to the coffee machine, and started the coffee. Other than the sound of the coffee machine, it was quiet. Stifling quiet. When the coffee was done, and Petra brought two mugs over to Jane, Jane looked up at Petra, her eyes wide.

“Did I try to kiss you last night?”

Petra's first reaction was to freeze, the hot mugs in both hands, while her second reaction was smile awkwardly, her mouth closed. “Oh, well, yes. But you didn't.”

Jane took the mug from Petra, her eyebrows furrowed. Petra assumed she was trying to remember, and was hoping she wouldn't.

“You turned your head and I kissed your cheek.”

“Yes.”

“Petra, I'm so sorry,” Jane groaned.

“It's fine.”

“It's not. I'm getting married today. This is a second attempt. Third, if you count my first attempt with Michael. This is so fucked up.”

Petra had never heard Jane curse like that and a shiver went up her spine. “You were drunk.”

“I'm more honest when I'm drunk,” Jane mumbled into her mug, taking a sip.

Petra let out a short, sharp exhale, something like a laugh. “What?”

Jane shook her head and Petra desperately wanted her to say more. She also wanted to sit down next to Jane, but wasn't sure if it was appropriate right now, so she stood there, swaying slightly. Jane wasn't looking at her.

“Maybe Michael was right.” Again, Jane was saying things and wasn't clarifying what she means. She took another sip of coffee.

“Right about what?” Petra asked, attempting to be casual.

Jane looked at Petra, then gestured to the couch with her eyes. “Sit down. Please.”

Petra did as she was told. Jane turned the coffee mug around in her hands before placing it on the coffee table and looking at Petra.

“Michael was frustrated that I was defending you.”

“You were defending me?” Petra asked, a smile twitching at her lips. But Jane gave her a look. “Right, sorry, continue.”

Jane chewed on her bottom lip, her eyes drifting to the floor. “Michael and I had a long talk the other night. We needed to get some stuff out in the open. I told him there was nothing going on between the two of us, but I understood why you did what you did. He did not like that.”

“What did he do?” Petra was now staring at Jane, very intently, her eyes wide.

“Well, his face got very red, then he got very quiet. He didn't look angry, just... nervous.”

And there was that hopeful twinge in her stomach again. She tried to not smile, tried really hard, but it was difficult. Her selfish side was coming out, which got joy out of seeing some people—in this case, Michael—suffer, just a little bit. But, Jane looked upset and Petra couldn't bring herself to feel selfish.

“Well, didn't you tell him you don't have feelings for me?”

Jane started blinking rapidly and Petra saw tears in her eyes. At first, for a split second, Petra didn't understand this reaction. Then she did and her mouth fell open a little bit.

“Jane...”

Just as Petra reached out to Jane, Jane sprung to her feet. “I should go. My mom's probably waiting for me.”

Petra didn't stand up, but she did take Jane's hand. “Jane, I'm sorry.” She wasn't completely sure what she was apologizing for. She apologized about the mishap at the wedding, multiple times, so it seemed silly to do it again. So maybe she was apologizing for Jane feeling the way she was feeling, even if Petra really had no control over that.

Jane's mouth twisted as she stared down at Petra with watery eyes, then she pulled her hand away and quickly left the room. As soon as she left, Anezka slipped out of her room, like a skittish cat.

“I was hearing everything. You are okay?”

“Yes, Anezka. Are the babies awake?”

“No, Petra, they are sleeping still.”

Petra wasn't looking at her sister, nor was she looking at anything in particular. She didn't know what to feel. Jane, apparently, had feelings for her, but as far as what that meant, Petra didn't know. It might not mean anything. Jane might still be getting married and she might pretend none of this ever happened. Then again, Jane wasn't good at letting things go, and Petra didn't expect her to be able to forget this.

Petra made a loud groaning noise and leaned forward on her elbows, her face in her hands. “God dammit.”

She felt Anezka sit next to her, then a bony hand on her back.

“It is okay, sister.”

“You don't know that, Anezka. I didn't want Jane to fall in love with me.”

Anezka frowned. “No?”

“Well, yeah, maybe a little bit. Maybe I wanted her to fall in love with me and, I don't know, we'd go away together somewhere. But I didn't want it like this. It's too complicated. She's getting married in a few hours.”

“Loving someone is hard.”

“Everyone keeps saying that.” Petra didn't know what Anezka knew about love or sex, as far as she was concerned, Anezka was like an asexual ghost. There was that one person Anezka had brought up once, but who that was, Petra had no idea.

“You are going to the wedding?”

“I seems like it would be uh, what's that phrase? Oh, it would sort of be a 'dick-move' since Michael told me not to, and now, apparently, Jane has feelings for me. I think it would make it worse.”

Anezka didn't argue with her. Instead, she went to the nursery when one of the babies started crying. Petra sat on the couch for a little bit longer, then tried to eat breakfast, but couldn't stomach anything. Leaving the room would be too risky, so she did work from there. The wedding was three hours away and it was burning in the back of her mind. Two hours. She imagined Jane in her wedding dress, presumably the same one. She imagined Jane looking at herself in the mirror, a frown on her face. She imagined Xiomara and Alba offering her encouraging words, telling her to not worry.

Petra clicked the pen in her hand, rapidly, and stared out the window. The wedding was an hour away. Finally, Petra gripped the pen tightly, then threw it down.

“Anezka, I'm going to the wedding,” she said, loudly, jumping to her feet.

Petra found a simple, but nice, dress to wear. It came up to the knees, was sleeveless, and blue. She kept her hair down. Anezka walked into her room.

“You are getting Jane?”

“I'm not getting anyone, Anezka,” Petra said in front of the mirror while she put on mascara. “I'm going and what happens, happens.”

She had a half an hour. Luckily, Petra was a fast driver and she certainly drove fast. Possibly almost hitting a pedestrian, or two. When she got there, it looked like everyone had arrived. Which was good, because Petra could just slip into the back row. She kept her eyes down, trying to not make eye contact with anyone. She continued looking down when the procession started.

Her eyes flickered up to the sanctuary when almost everyone was up there; it was just missing Jane now. The bridal procession started and everyone stood up. The song played for a good minute without anyone coming through the doors. Petra couldn't help but look towards Michael, who looked very confused. 

Rogelio ran through the doors, up the aisle, and towards Michael. He flashed a smile at everyone before turning to Michael and whispering something. Petra was too far away from the front to really see Michaels face, but she could see the redness in his cheeks. She did feel badly for him, a little bit.

Rogelio turned to the congregation again, smiling broadly. “I am sorry, everyone, but it seems there is another delay.”

The church erupted in murmurs. Petra could make out a few snippets. Things like, “the second time” and “mistake.” Petra then heard, “that blonde woman” followed by “lesbian.” She made the mistake of looking over, because she made eye contact with one of the guests. The guest seemed to recognize her because the guest shook her head and narrowed her eyes. It was at that point that Petra stood up, and she could hear people turn around to look at her, but she hastily left. Where Jane was, she didn't know, but she just wanted to get back to the hotel.

Before she could actually leave the church, though, she ran into the last person she wanted to see. Xiomara.

“You,” Xiomara hissed. “You did this.”

The look in Xiomara's eyes made Petra want to take a step, or two, back as Xiomara practically stomped up to her. Again, her ridiculous heels made her taller than Petra.

“I didn't do anything, Xiomara,” Petra said in an even tone.

“I know Jane's been seeing you.”

“Nothing has happened between--”

“I know, but I know she's been talking to you, and I know she was with you last night.”

“I didn't say anything to discourage her to go through with the wedding. And she came over on her own.”

Xiomara's jaw moved back and forth. “She's been acting weird since this happened. I've seen it, my mom's seen it, and Michael's see it. I'm assuming you've seen it too, Petra.”

Petra more than knew it; she knew why. She was a little surprised Jane hadn't said anything to her mother, but she also understood why. Petra wasn't the Villanueva's favorite person and Jane had her own, more complicated issues with Petra.

Alba came through the doors of the church at this point. This was the first time Petra had actually seen her since the first wedding and Petra tensed. Her eyes flickered from Petra to Xiomara and back to Petra.

“Xiomara, ¿Por qué está aquí?”

“We're just talking, Ma.”

“Ella no debería estar aquí.”

“I know, Ma.”

Alba pointed her finger at Petra, a mere inch away from jabbed Petra in the chest. “Has arruinado todo. Usted es una mujer mala.”

Petra's Spanish wasn't great, but she did understand “mujer mala.” Bad woman.

“Dejar nuestra familia sola,” Alba hissed, the same look in her eyes her daughter had just a few moments ago. “Jane no le ama.”

Petra had to think a moment to translate that, but when she realized Alba said, “Jane doesn't love you,” she felt the need to defend herself. But she didn't have the energy. She was so tired of having to defend herself, especially for something she didn't mean to do. She didn't mean to tell Jane she loved her, she didn't mean to ruin her wedding, she didn't mean for Jane to fall in love with her (if that was what Jane was feeling) and she certainly didn't mean to make Jane feel the need to run out of her wedding. Petra had made bad decisions before, but this wasn't the same. This felt more like a series of unfortunate mishaps, things happening out of Petra's control. She was tired.

“Maybe. Maybe she doesn't love me, but why did she run off?”

Xiomara and Alba exchanged glances. They had no idea. Inwardly, Petra was smiling, but outwardly, her face was blank. She looked between mother and daughter and felt some sympathy for them.

“Look, I honestly don't know where Jane is. I can promise you that.”

Xiomara looked at Petra, frowned slightly, then sighed. “You know, Rogelio was trying to sell us on you. He seems to have taken a liking to you.”

Petra was honestly surprised Rogelio had spoken to them, like he had said he would. This surprise showed on her face.

“I still don't trust you, Petra,” Xiomara said quietly. “But I do think you're telling the truth about not knowing where Jane is. You wouldn't be here if you knew where she was.”

Alba was still glaring at Petra, but she had relaxed a little bit. Then Rogelio ran into the room. He was panting.

“I was looking all over for you,” he said. He turned to Xiomara, but his eyes darted over to Petra. “Jane just texted me. She says she's okay, but she can't do this wedding right now.”

Xiomara closed her eyes and groaned. “How's Michael?”

“Upset, but I think I calmed him down.”

“Do you know where she is?” Petra asked, but she wished she hadn't because she could feel Alba burning a hole in Petra with her eyes.

Rogelio shook her head. “She just said she's okay.”

“Dammit. Okay, Rogelio, you check the hotel, and my mom and I will check the house. Petra, you stay out of the way.”

Xiomara and Alba left first, leaving Petra with Rogelio. Rogelio clapped his hand on Petra's back, a little too hard.

“I didn't mean to cause this,” she said and Rogelio nodded sympathetically.

“I know, Petra. What can I say? Jane is like me, her emotions sometimes get the best of her.”

“You probably should go and look for her.”

Rogelio agreed, but before he left, he put his hand on Petra's shoulder and squeezed it tightly. “It'll be okay.”

Petra still wasn't sure, but Rogelio's words still comforted her. She flashed him a quick smile. “Thanks, Rogelio.”

After he left, Petra stayed around for a moment longer, but when she heard footsteps and voices of wedding guests, she quickly made her way to her car. She drove to and entered the hotel in a daze. She vaguely aware of smiling at guests, maybe saying something to a few of them, but she was acting on auto-pilot. Before she knew it, she was standing in front of her door. Before she opened it, she rested her head on it. She didn't want to do this anymore. She wanted to just take the twins, and maybe Anezka, and go somewhere far away. Maybe she'd go back to Czechoslovakia or Germany.

When she opened the door, she almost jumped. There, sitting on the couch, was Jane, in her wedding dress.

Jane looked up and practically sprang to her feet. She didn't walk towards Petra, but instead rocked on her feet, staring at Petra.

“Why did you do this to me, Petra?” Jane asked, her voice shaking.

Petra closed the door, but she stayed in the same place. “What do you mean?”

“I had enough problems with Rafael, but why did you have to fall in love with me?”

“Is that a rhetorical question? Do you really not know why?” Petra started walked towards Jane, but didn't go too close.

Jane covered her face and groaned loudly in frustration. Then she started pacing. Petra followed her back and forth movements with her eyes.

“Why did I have to...” Jane stopped, her jaw clenched.

Petra had a feeling what Jane wanted to say, but she wanted Jane to actually say it. She wanted to hear it.

Petra stepped closer to Jane and stopped a couple feet away from her. Jane wasn't looking at her, not directly anyway. Petra's hand twitched, wanting to reach out and touch Jane, to comfort her, but she had a feeling that would make it worse.

“Why does my life have to be so complicated?”

Jane sat back down on the couch. Petra stood close to her, but didn't sit down. She waited for Jane to continue talking.

“You know, I had simple goals in mind for my life. I imagined, falling in love, getting married, writing a few books, having a baby... I don't regret Mateo, at all, but everything else is just so messed up. I fell in love with Michael, then Rafael, then Michael again. And then there's you. I don't know when it started with you, but it's suddenly overtaken my life.” Jane looked up at Petra, her eyes watery. Petra's stomach clenched with guilt.

“I thought, this won't affect my life too much. I thought if I ignored it, it would go away. People have crushes all the time, so it won't be a big deal,” Jane shrugged sarcastically. “I should've known.”

Petra couldn't tell if Jane was talking about her or herself.

“Jane, I'm sorry. I really am.”

Jane shook her head, her eyes closed. “It's not you. Well, it is, but it's not just you.”

Petra sat beside Jane at this point. Again, she would not touch Jane, and she waited for Jane to keep talking. Jane was absently pulling at a sparkly decoration on her dress, very intently not looking at Petra.

“Why do I keep doing this?”

Petra still wasn't sure if Jane wanted her to answer these questions, but a compulsion came over her. “Because you love deeply, Jane.”

Jane looked at her. Petra saw her swallow. Petra still didn't touch her. 

“I'm tired of falling in love and falling out of love.”

Petra knew exactly how Jane felt, and she touched Jane to show this. She touched Jane's forearm. She felt Jane's muscle twitch at the touch, then relax.

“I know all about falling in love with the wrong people, Jane. Some of it was bad because they were bad people, or it was bad because it was just too complicated.” Petra stared into Jane's eyes as she spoke, and Jane looked right back.

“I feel like an asshole,” Jane scoffed, a sarcastic laugh coming out. “I've done this to Michael three times.”

“He'll be okay,” Petra said, struggling to think of comforting things to say.

“Will he?” Jane snapped.

Petra searched Jane's face, since Jane had looked away again. “Jane, I'm going to be honest with you. No, this will be hard for him, no matter what you decide. It will be hard for all of us. Do you still love Michael?”

Jane thought about it for a moment. “Yes. But I don't think I can marry him right now.”

Petra squeezed Jane's arm and smiled sympathetically. It was all she could do right now. Jane leaned forward and for a split second, Petra thought she was going to kiss her, but it was a hug. Nonetheless, it was nice. Jane always gave good hugs, even when she was sad. Maybe especially when she was sad. She had strong arms and it somehow managed to comfort Petra, despite that there was still no solution to this problem. But when Jane's warm body was pressed against Petra's, it was difficult to worry about the problem. She wanted to worry about nothing right now. She just wanted to stay in Jane's arms. But that wasn't going to happen anytime soon, she had a feeling, not without the drama hanging over them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry, everyone. Petra (and Jane) is going to go through some shit before she's happy. But I promise Petra will be happy.


	6. Chapter 6

Jane had hung around in Petra's room for a little bit longer. She finally texted her father, telling him where she was. Just a couple minutes after she texted him, there was a knock on the door. As soon as Petra opened the door, Rogelio burst in, very much out of breath.

“I was in the lobby when you texted me, Jane. I am so happy you're okay.” He hugged his daughter, tightly.

“I'm fine, Dad. I can't breathe,” she said in a strained voice, tapping him on the back.

He let her go, his face now serious. “I am not sure that was the best thing to do, Jane. I mean, it is something I could see my character doing on my show, but this is real life.”

Jane's eyes flickered over to Petra for a second. “I know, Dad. It was really dumb. But I was freaking out. I kept feeling so guilty that...”

She looked at Petra again, her eyes shimmering. “Dad, can I tell you something? You can't tell Mom or Abuela.”

“Your secret is safe with me.”

Jane started pacing, her dress rustling loudly with each step. She didn't say anything for a full minute and Rogelio had stepped closer to Petra while they waited. When Petra glanced at Rogelio, he was looking at her sympathetically. She didn't care for that. She didn't like being pitied.

“Petra, Dad,” Jane stopped pacing and turned to Petra and her father. “I couldn't do this wedding because I felt guilty. I felt guilty because... I was having feelings for a certain person.”

Petra sort of wished Jane would just say it, because it was very obvious. She didn't like people beating around the bush.

“Jane, is that person in this room?” Rogelio asked, his eyes on Petra.

Jane nodded wordlessly. Petra swallowed three times in a row, her throat suddenly feeling very dry.

“I couldn't go through with this wedding when I was having these feelings. It wasn't fair Michael. But it also wasn't fair to him to run out like this. I feel terrible.”

Jane started doing the last thing Petra wanted her to do; she started crying. Really crying. Rogelio was immediately at her side, his arms around her. Petra awkwardly stood off to the side, fussing with her hands.

“Dad, I didn't want this to happen, I don't want to fall in love anymore,” she hiccuped. She pulled away from Rogelio and wiped her eyes and nose. Petra felt like she shouldn't be there, even though she was technically the cause of it.

“I know, sweetie. It's hard,” he kissed Jane on the top of the head. Then he looked at Petra. “It's hard for everyone involved.”

Rogelio held Jane until she calmed down, which took several minutes. Petra had no idea what to do. This almost felt like a private moment, even though she was involved. When Jane calmed down, Rogelio suggested she call her mother and grandmother. Jane reluctantly agreed.

“Hey, Ma, it's Jane. Yes, I'm fine. I'm with Dad. And, uh... yeah. I know, Ma, I know, I'm sorry.” Jane started pacing again as she spoke. Xiomara was talking loudly enough that Petra could hear her. “Is Michael with you? Is he upset?”

Petra could hear Xiomara say, “yes. Very.” Petra's stomach turned.

Jane then slipped into the bedroom, closing the door, to speak to her mother privately. For once, Rogelio was unable to offer Petra encouraging advice and they stood in silence until Jane came back. She was crying again, but not audibly.

“My mom wants me to talk to Michael,” Jane mumbled, her phone clutched tightly in her hand.

“You should,” Petra said, her voice weak.

Jane's eyes flickered between her father and Petra. “Dad? What should I do?”

“Jane,” Rogelio crossed the room and held Jane by the sides of her arms. “You should do what you think is right, but, I would talk to him.”

“I don't know what to say to him. I've done this to him too many times. How can I look him in the eyes and tell him I... have feelings for another person.”

Rogelio looked over Jane's head at Petra. Petra had no answer for him. “Jane, there's no easy answer for this. Just speak from the heart, tell him the truth.”

“I feel like such a horrible person...”

Rogelio pulled Jane into another hug and kissed the top of her head. “You are far from a horrible person, Jane. The exact opposite. You did what you felt was best.”

Jane still looked convinced when she pulled away from Rogelio.

“Okay. Then, I should go talk to Michael. I don't know what I'll say, but I'll figure it out. ...I'm still wearing my wedding dress.”

“You can borrow something of mine,” Petra said softly. “Take whatever.”

Jane nodded and went to Petra's room. When Rogelio was sure Jane couldn't hear then, he moved towards Petra.

“She'll be okay. But, while I am not opposed to this relationship,” Rogelio gestured to Petra, then the general direction Jane was. “Michael is still my bro. And Jane needs space.”

“I know.”

A few minutes later, Jane came out in one of Petra's sundresses. It was tight and Petra had to look away.

“Okay, I'm ready. Dad, will you take me to Michael?”

“Of course, Jane.”

“Petra, uh, I'll call you. I think we need to talk more.”

Petra nodded. After Jane and Rogelio left, Petra practically collapsed onto her couch and buried her face into her hands. Once again, Anezka silently stepped into the room and Petra didn't notice her until she lifted her head back up. She jumped.

“God, Anezka, you can't sneak around like that...” Petra gasped, her hand on her chest.

“You are okay? Jane was here.”

“I'm fine.”

“She ran from wedding?”

Petra really didn't have patience for her sister right now and she was sure it was obvious on her face, but Anezka seemed unbothered by it and kept staring at her. Petra pinched the bridge of her nose. “Yes, Anezka, she ran out of her wedding.”

Anezka sat down beside her. “You are together now?”

Petra gave her sister her most bewildered look. “No. Anezka, do you really not know how relationships work?”

Anezka looked confused now. Her head tilted to the side and her mouth was open slightly. Petra waited for her to say something, but she seemed to be at a loss for words.

“Anyway, Jane is going to talk to Michael. I really don't know what's going to happen. Honestly,” Petra sighed and ran her fingers through her hair, “I don't think this relationship would even work, really. It's too complicated. And I shouldn't go into a relationship where one of us is conflicted.”

Anezka was looking at her closely while she spoke, but how much Anezka actually understood, Petra had no idea. She was nodding like she understood.

“Jane has feelings for me, but,” Petra laughed sarcastically, “I don't think we can be together.”

Anezka hugged Petra, very awkwardly, but Petra appreciated it nonetheless. Her sister then went and got the babies, which cheered Petra up a little bit. Both babies were in a good mood and Anna was smiling at her.

“Miluji tě, mé anděly.” She whispered to them. “This is all the love I need.”

She wanted to believe that, and maybe in that brief moment, she did, but it didn't last long. She wanted to stay in her room, but she had a meeting. The dress she was wearing wasn't too fancy, so she kept the dress on for the meeting. Afterwards, she ran into Rafael. Or, really, Rafael saw her from the across the room and power-walked towards her.

“Petra,” Rafael said, his voice soft as he grabbed her arm. “What happened?”

“I'm assuming you're referring to the wedding?” Petra asked evenly, despite her irritation.

“I haven't spoken to Michael, but I don't think he's doing so great.”

“What do you care? You hate Michael.”

“I don't... hate him, I just... Look, you know I'd prefer Jane and Michael weren't together, but I do feel bad for him.”

Petra glanced away, making sure no one in the lobby was listening. “You should feel bad for Jane. She doesn't know what to do.”

Rafael leaned in closer to her, his eyebrows furrowed. “Do about what?”

Once again, Petra wanted to smile in satisfaction, and while she tried not to, she was pretty sure the corners of her mouth were twitching up. “Let's just say Jane is having some conflicted feelings.”

Rafael's mouth opened and closed a couple times before he shook his head. “What're you talking about?”

Petra was having her own conflicted feelings; whether she should say something or not. This was her and Jane's business, and Rafael didn't need to know. “Nothing.”

“Petra, I know you and I know when you're lying. What is it?” Rafael's voice became softer.

She sighed and lowered her voice. “Jane, uh, it seems, is having feelings for me.”

Rafael's blinked a couple times in rapid succession, and Petra could see him working his jaw. “Oh.”

“Nothing has happened between us,” Petra said. Other than Jane trying to kiss her while she was drunk, but Rafael didn't need to know that. “I have not encouraged this. It sounds like Jane has been having these feelings before I said anything.”

“You probably didn't help, though. If Jane didn't know you had feelings too, she probably wouldn't have stopped the wedding.”

Petra rolled her eyes. “Do you want her to get married or not?”

“I want Jane to be happy!”

“So do I!”

Both of them realized they had yelled and a few people were staring at them. Petra turned Rafael so they weren't facing the guests. “I want Jane to be happy, too. What that entails, I don't know,” Petra whispered. “Jane want to move on and work things out with Michael. Do I like that? No. Would I prefer Jane to come to me? Of course. I'll admit that. But what that actually means?” Petra shrugged. “I'm sure you know how I feel, Raf.”

Rafael nodded reluctantly. “Yeah.”

Petra shook her head and ran her hand over her eyes. “I don't know what to do, Raf. What should I do?”

“Do you really think I can give you an answer for that?” Rafael asked, smiling slightly. “If I had an answer, don't you think I would have done things differently?”

Rafael was right, and Petra conceded that by closing her eyes and nodding.

“I wish I could blame Jane, but it's not her fault she's wonderful,” Petra sighed. She wasn't looking at Rafael when she said that, but when she looked up, he had an amused look on his face.

“You really do love her,” he said softly.

She didn't like the sympathetic look he had on his face. “Raf, don't look at me like that. You love her too.”

“Yeah, well, I think I had my chance with her.”

Petra rubbed Rafael's back. “Did you ever think we'd be having a conversation like this?”

“You mean how we both fell in love with the same girl? I can honestly say no.”

She chuckled. The way her and Rafael's relationship went, was very far from how she expected. And apart from the strange connection, Petra was oddly happy the way it went. It took too long for them to get to this place.

“I want you to be happy, Petra,” Rafael said. He smiled.

“Despite what I've done to you in the past, I want you to be happy, too.”

“I'd say you're my competition, but I don't think that's the case.”

“Yes, Jane is a person, who is having her own crisis,” Petra said. She couldn't stop stop herself from thinking that said crisis is how Jane is having feelings for Petra. But she didn't say that aloud. Then a thought occurred to her. “By the way, where's Luisa? I haven't seen her since yesterday.”

Rafael sighed and rolled his eyes. “Who knows?”

“Raf.”

“Right, sorry. As long as she's not drinking again, it's not my problem.”

“I just wonder if she would be a good person to talk to about this. I'm sure she's fallen in love with girls who are, uh...”

“Straight? I don't think she's straight, Petra. I mean, I thought you were straight before all this. Maybe she has a preference for guys, but based on all this... who knows? Jane doesn't even seem to know.”

“Hm. Perhaps. But Luisa probably does know something about this. I mean, she has been in complicated relationships like this, right?”

“Well, I think Luisa's situation is a little bit different. She was having an affair with our step-mother who turned out to be running a secret plastic surgery ring.”

“Eh, fair enough. But I'd still like to talk to her.”

“Good luck.”

When they parted ways, Petra went back up to her room. Anezka and the babies were out, so Petra decided to try to call Luisa. The phone rang a couple times before the call was ended, on Luisa's end. Petra huffed. She tried again, but the call went straight to voicemail.

Frustrated, Petra tried to get some work done. It didn't work out well, her mind kept drifting to Jane. Images of Jane getting angry at her when she found out Petra was lying for Anezka, when she and Jane first met and Petra hugged Jane, when Petra gave birth and Jane was there for her. She didn't want to love Jane, but at the same time, she did. Loving Jane made her want to be a better person.

Petra rested her head on her desk and fell asleep shortly after that. She was awakened to her phone buzzing, but didn't process it right away. Blearily, she looked at who was calling her. It was Luisa.

“Uh, Luisa, hi, where are you?”

There was a lot of background noises. “I can't say, Petra. It's, uh, complicated.”

“Luisa, what the hell is going on? You're not drinking, are you?”

“No. I wanted to go on a trip. I don't know when I'll be back.” Luisa sounded weird.

“Luisa, I need to talk to you about something. It's about Jane.”

There was another woman's voice somewhere near the phone. It sounded a little bit familiar. “It's Petra,” Luisa said to whoever she was talking to. “No, I didn't say where we are. She needs to talk to me about something.”

The other woman said something quietly. Whoever Luisa was talking to, she knew Petra.

“Is that Susanna?”

“...Yes.”

Petra sensed Luisa was lying, but decided to move on. “Look, Jane walked out on her wedding, and she has feelings for me.”

There was a sharp intake of a breath before Luisa said, “What?!”

“She came over last night, drunk, ranting that I messed everything up. Then, when she calmed down, she tried to kiss me. Nothing happened. Then, at the wedding, she ran out at the beginning. I found her in my hotel room and she admitted she has feelings for me. But it hasn't changed anything. It's all so fucked up, Luisa, I don't know what to do.” Petra didn't usually talk that fast and had to take a deep breath.

Luisa sighed. “That is messed up. Petra, honestly, I have not given you the best advice in the past, remember?”

“I know, Luisa, but I need someone to tell me what to do. Tell me what to do.” Petra hated, really hated, sounding so desperate but she had no idea where to go from there.

“Petra. Look, I knew a woman who I wasn't sure if I should be with, because of reasons, and I was so conflicted.”

“Was this woman Rose?”

There was a sound like the phone was dropped, followed by shuffling noises. “Uh, yes. It was.”

“Luisa, I'm sorry about what happened to Rose, I am, but that doesn't help me.”

Luisa cleared her throat three times in a row. “Anyway, all I could do was ask myself, what is the best thing for me?”

“What if the best thing for me isn't the best thing for Jane? What if this relationship is just too much for both of us? Shouldn't a relationship be easy?”

“I don't know what an easy relationship is. I thought my relationship with Allison was easy, but I ended up cheating on her for a while--”

“You did? With who—with Rose? You were?”

Luisa heaved a sigh. Petra found it odd Luisa was so exasperated with Petra right now, normally it was the other way around. “Yes, with Rose, but it's not important. I felt like I was missing something with Allison, and it turned out to be messier than I thought, since Allison didn't know I was sleeping with Rose when she cheated on me.”

“Rafael didn't know I was cheating on him with Roman when he fell in love with Jane.” As she said it aloud, it sounded ridiculous. And there was no real reason for saying that.

Luisa laughed at that. “We're a mess.”

“Hm, yeah, we are,” Petra sighed with a smile.

“Okay, so, you called me for advice, and I really should go. R-Susanna is getting ansty; we were kinda' in the middle of something. Anyway, yes, advice. I think you and Jane should just sit down and talk. Like, really talk. If I've learned anything from my relationships, it's communication is key. If you two don't get together? Then that's what happens. At least you guys understand each other better.”

“And if we do get together?”

Luisa clicked her tongue. “Then... congrats.”

Petra clutched the phone tightly in her hand. “Susanna's” voice was heard again, Petra heard her say “Luisa” followed by a noise that sounded like kissing.

“...Luisa?”

“Hm? Oh, sorry, yeah, I need to go. Good luck, Petra,” Luisa said in a sing-songy voice before hanging up.

Petra slowly slid the phone down her face before letting her arm drop on the desk. That talk helped, a little bit, but she still felt stuck. But Luisa was right, she needed to have a good talk with Jane. She checked the time; it was nearly 5pm. She then realized she hadn't really eaten since last night, so she called room service. Feeling calmer, she was able to get some work done. 

A little later, when there was a knock on the door, Petra gently padded over to the door. When she opened it, it wasn't a random employee.

“Hey, Petra.” It was Jane. 

Petra took a step back. “Jane, what're you doing here?”

Jane had a tray of food with her, but she wasn't dressed in her hotel uniform. “I was talking to Lina when you called down. She decided to come into work, since there was no wedding reception to go to.”

Petra was briefly dumbfounded before she let Jane come in. Jane went and set the tray down while Petra softly closed the door.

“Is everything okay, Jane?”

“Michael is really upset. He won't talk to me.”

Jane was hovering around the tray of food, not looking at Petra. Petra slowly approached Jane until she was standing right next to her.

“Jane, why don't you eat with me? There's a lot of food here, and I think we need to talk.”

Jane nodded silently and Petra directed her to a chair, while Petra sat in the chair across from Jane. Petra had ordered salmon with potatoes and rice, and a brownie for dessert. She handed Jane a fork, who took it, but didn't do anything with it. Petra, whose appetite was coming back, went ahead and took a bite of salmon.

“So, Jane, Michael was upset. Understandable,” Petra said as she ate some rice.

“I don't know what to do, Petra.” Jane's voice cracked. “And I know it's ridiculous to be talking to you about this, but nobody else can give me a straight answer. Lina's completely bewildered. She doesn't understand. My dad seems to be the only one who remotely understands, but even he's conflicted.”

While Jane's eyes were increasingly filling with tears, she still took a bite of salmon. She mumbled, “it's good.”

“Jane, let's pretend for a moment that I'm not the one who caused all this, let's pretend I'm just your friend; do you still want to be with Michael?”

Jane was still chewing her salmon, very slowly. “I love Michael.” Petra sensed a but. “But do relationships need to be so complicated?”

Petra chuckled, the coincidence not lost on her. When Jane gave her a look, she stopped. “I wouldn't know. All of my relationships have been complicated.”

“I just want a relationship where it's comfortable. Like, I feel like I'm home.”

Jane poked at the rice, moving it around. The urge to just hold Jane's hand was strong. Petra just wanted to reach out to Jane, in anyway she could.

“I want that too, Jane,” Petra said quietly, popping a small potato in her mouth.

Suddenly, there was a hand on her arm. Jane had to actually rise up out of her chair to do this. Petra swallowed her barely-chewed potato, then coughed. Jane was leaning in closer, and closer, her eyelids flickering. Petra found herself leaning forward too, until they were about a foot apart. Then, Petra stopped.

“Jane, we can't,” Petra said, with not a little difficulty. “You need to talk to Michael. We'll both feel guilty if you don't.”

Jane pulled her bottom lip into her mouth and closed her eyes. “You're right, Petra, you're right.” She squeezed Petra's arm before pulling her hand away. Her hands moved up to her own face, covering it. “Ugh.”

Jane ate some more salmon and rice. She looked very melancholy as she poked around the plate and Petra hated it. Hated that Jane looked so miserable, because of Petra, because she felt guilty. 

“Jane, have you been attracted to a woman before?” Petra asked after a couple minutes of silence.

“Not that I'm aware of. Looking back, maybe I had a crush on a girl or two before? Maybe in high school, but I confused it with admiration?” Jane looked slightly less distressed as before, especially the more she spoke. “What about you?”

After a brief moment of consideration, Petra told Jane about Ema. When she was done, Jane was near tears again.

“Oh, Petra, I'm sorry. And then... all of this?” She gestured between them. Then, she grabbed Petra's hand and stroked the top of it with her thumb. She held it like that for a minute or so, her eyes focused on Petra's hand, then, to Petra's surprise, she kissed the top of Petra's hand. It was at this moment Jane's eyes flickered up to Petra's.

Petra shifted and started to lean up in her chair. Just as she was getting closer to Jane, the door opened.

“Hello, Sister! ...And Jane.”

Petra moved back so fast, she nearly fell backwards on her chair. “Anezka.”

Jane gently placed Petra's hand on the table and smiled very awkwardly. “Hello, Anezka.” Then she saw the babies. “Hello, Elsa and Anna.”

Anezka removed the babies from the stroll and handed Elsa to Petra and Anna to Jane before slipping off to her own room. Jane hummed softly as she bounced Anna in her arms.

“Hello, little angel,” Jane cooed. “I love Mateo's age right now, but I do miss when he was this little.”

“They are cute.”

“I know they're probably identical twins, since you and Anezka are identical, but I think Elsa looks more like you than Anna does.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I mean, they're both cute like you and uh,” Jane stopped, a blush spreading over her cheeks. She cleared her throat. “Anna has a look more Rafael, I don't know what it is.”

It was at that moment that Anna smiled and giggled. Jane gasped. “Oh my goodness, you are so cute!”

Jane lifted Anna up and kissed Anna on the forehead and Petra felt like she heart was going to explode. Here was Jane, a girl she was in love with, kissing Petra's daughter like she was Jane's own child. Tears pricked at Petra's eyes and she swallowed. It was at this moment Petra realized she truly wanted to be with Jane.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. It's been a busy month, mostly involving moving.
> 
> Anyway, I was tired of Petra and Jane being awkward with each other.

Petra didn't see Jane for a week after that, nor did she even hear from Jane. Petra tried to not be concerned, because she had no reason to be. Jane was likely working things out with Michael. Working out things, in Petra's mind, meant discussing things with Michael, then deciding their relationship didn't work. To her, working things out was not getting back together with Michael, because she didn't want to consider that.

Anezka was starting to act strangely, which was saying something because she always acted strangely. Petra found Anezka watching her a lot, like she was studying her. She looked like an owl.

“Anezka, do you need something?” Petra asked during breakfast one day. She looked up to find Anezka's eyes locked onto her.

“No, Petra, you are just so pretty,” her sister said with a smile.

“Thank you, but please don't stare at me like that.”

“You are angry.”

“No, I just don't like being stared at.”

“You have not heard from Jane?”

Petra took a very defiant bite of her toast. “No.”

“Maybe she does not love you as well?”

Anezka said this in a soft voice and Petra couldn't tell if she said this to just be honest or she was trying to hurt Petra. If it was the latter, she succeeded. Petra's jaw clenched.

“Well, it'll be what it'll be.”

“You want advice?”

“From you? No, thank you.”

Anezka looked hurt and Petra actually felt guilty. She sighed. “What is it, Anezka? What's your advice?”

“Well, sister, I think you should be with Jane.”

This caught Petra by surprise. She did not expect Anezka to say this. “Pardon?”

“You love her, yes? You be with the person you love.”

“It's not that simple, Anezka. If she doesn't love me too...”

“She does not love you?”

Impatience flared up in Petra's chest and she threw her toast down. “I don't know, Anezka. I really don't know. I honestly can't tell. She's giving me signs that she does, but what good does that do me if Michael is still around?”

“I kill Michael?”

The fact Petra had to tell her sister that no, don't kill Michael, worried her a little bit. It sounded like something their mother would say.

“Just... let me worry about it, Anezka. I'm just giving Jane some space.”

Space meant Petra was terrified to talk to Jane. Terrified of what, she didn't know. She allowed herself to admit her feelings, but going as far as letting herself pursue those feelings? Not so much. Jane was obviously feeling something for her, but if it was the same thing as what Petra was feeling, she also didn't know that.

Later that day, Petra sat at her desk, her phone placed in front of her. She had been staring at it for a good twenty minutes. 

Twenty minutes ago she had told herself she would call Jane. Over those twenty minutes, Petra had repeatedly said, “okay” to herself, in hopes it would encourage her to actually call. It didn't. Finally, she pressed Jane's name and called. After two rings, Petra considered hanging up because she still didn't know what to say to Jane.

“Hello? Petra?” 

Petra nearly threw her phone. She didn't, though. “Yes, hello, Jane.”

“Is everything okay? I haven't heard from you in a week.”

“Yes, I'm fine. How are you?” Petra inwardly cringed.

“...I'm good. What's up?”

“Um, I was wondering if you wanted to have lunch with me. You know, like old times.”

“It's three o'clock.”

“An early dinner, then.”

There was a shuffling noise on Jane's end, then Jane cleared her throat. “Yeah, Petra, that sounds good. At the Marbella?”

“No. I was thinking somewhere else. Do you like Italian?”

“I do.”

Petra was starting to struggle to keep her voice calm and even. “Great. I can pick you up, then, at four?”

“How about we make it an actual dinner and we can do it a little bit later? Six?”

Petra subconsciously licked her lips. “That sounds good, Jane. I'll meet you at your room.”

“Alright, then. I'll see you soon, Petra,” Jane said, rather cheerfully. Petra was struggling to read Jane's voice. She sounded happy, but Petra couldn't tell if it was a real kind of happy.

Petra thought back to when she asked Jane out on a lunch date several months ago. There was no romantic intentions; at least, that Petra was aware of. It was before Petra really realized how she felt about Jane. What was happening tonight, it wasn't overtly romantic. Two women can go out to an Italian restaurant together. Yes, it was more complicated because one of those women professed her love for the other woman just weeks ago, and the other woman was supposed to be married. That said, they could just go out together as friends.

Petra repeated this to herself for the next two hours. She also repeated that Jane was not expecting this to be a date.

When she got up to Jane's room and knocked, she found Xiomara on the other side of the door.

“Petra,” Xiomara said in a weird voice. She narrowed her eyes and looked back behind her. “Janey, your... Petra is here.”

“Okay, Ma,” Jane yelled from her room. Then she came bounding out, wearing a nice, red sundress.

This is not a date, Petra had to remind herself again. As she looked over Jane, she was merely appreciating Jane's beauty, as friends do.

“Where are you two going?” Xiomara asked, breaking the very awkward (and obvious) silence.

“Vero.”

“Ah, nice place. I went there on a date once. No... twice. Different guys.”

Petra's neck suddenly felt hot as both Villanueva women stared at her. “Uh, Jane? Are you ready?”

“Yeah. I'll let you know when I'm coming back, okay, Ma?”

“Sure, Jane. Have fun.” Petra really hated she couldn't read Xiomara right now. It was very frustrating.

It was quiet as they drove to the restaurant. Jane kept smoothing out her dress and chewing on her fingernail. And everytime Petra tried to say something, a lump formed in her throat.

When they pulled into the lot, Petra turned off the car, but didn't get out.

“Jane, do you think this is a date?” She asked, not looking at Jane.

“Do you want it to be?”

Petra didn't expect this question, but she should have. “Do you?”

When Petra looked at Jane, she was chewing on her bottom lip. Instead of really answering, she said, “Michael and I broke up.”

“...What?”

“He said, he can't keep dealing with this, these love triangles. He also said he didn't believe me when I said I didn't have feelings for you.”

There was that lump again. Petra quickly swallowed it. “Uh, why didn't he believe you?”

“I don't know. Maybe because...” Jane trailed off. Petra wanted her to finish, and she tried to communicate that by staring at Jane.

“Jane.”

“You know, I wonder if this'll keep happening, I fall in love with someone, then fall in love with someone else. I keep thinking what I have now is great, until someone else comes along.”

“Fall in love” rang in Petra's head. She continued staring at Jane, waiting for her to say more. After a brief moment of silence, Petra started to wonder if Jane wanted her to say something comforting.

“Well, uh, Jane...” she started.

“You don't have to say anything, Petra,” Jane said softly. She smiled slightly at Petra. Petra grabbed Jane's forearm.

“No, Jane, I think I do. I have loved too much and for all the wrong reasons, even if I didn't realize it at the time. Milos was a piece of shit, Lachlan was also a piece of shit, but he also had good reason to be angry with me, then Rafael, who isn't awful, but I left Lachlan for him because he was richer, then I fell in love with him. Roman was a guy whom I cared for, but it was mostly sex. He also turned out to be a piece of shit. We have both loved too much, but for you, it was for the right reasons, I think. It's rough, I get that, but you need to do what you feel is right.”

Jane looked at the hand on her arm.

“I don't know what's right.”

“I know, Jane. And I can't tell you what's right.”

Jane raised her head and rested her head on the back of the backrest, looking right at Petra.

“You really have changed, Petra.”

Unfortunately it was still light outside, so Petra was pretty sure Jane could see the blush in her cheeks. “What makes you say that?”

“Well, no offense, but I think in the past, you would have tried to find ways to screw Michael over and maybe manipulate me to be with you.”

Petra thought she would be offended, but she wasn't. She had long accepted how much of an asshole she was.

“I would never do that to you, Jane.”

Jane flashed her a smile and put her hand on top of Petra's. “You kinda' have, Petra.”

This did hurt, but Jane was right. Petra had manipulated Jane to get to Rafael, and she had lied to Jane to protect her own family (which Petra had conflicted feelings about).

“Anymore, Jane. Really.”

Jane squeezed Petra's fingers. “I know. Come on, I'm hungry, let's eat.”

At six o'clock the restaurant wasn't terribly busy, which Petra was happy about. She wanted to be able to talk to Jane more. And after their conversation in the car, the air felt less tense. Jane's smile seemed more radiant and Petra was starting to feel like she could smile as well.

Jane wasn't kidding when she said she was hungry because as soon as she got the menu, she ordered a pizza. Petra had to quickly decide and got a salmon dish.

“Sorry, I hadn't eaten since this morning,” Jane explained when the waiter was gone. “Mateo was having a rough morning.”

“It's fine.”

“How're the twins?”

“Good.” Petra said before she realized Jane really wanted details. “El-- Uh, Anna, almost sat up by herself.”

Jane's face lit up. “Ooh, this is pretty early. Go Anna.”

“Yeah,” Petra said. Jane always seemed more impressed about these things than she was. “She's been smiling a lot more. Elsa seems pretty serious.”

Jane grinned. “I wonder who she takes after.”

“Who-- Oh.” Petra couldn't help but smile. “Anna reminds me of Rafael. She has his goofy smile.”

“So does Mateo,” Jane said fondly. “Sometimes, I think how crazy it is that our kids are siblings. Half-siblings, but still. It makes us... family, almost.”

Something spread through Petra's body. It was subtle, but it went from her forehead to the middle of her back. Something about Jane saying “family” when referring to herself and Petra was almost too much. Petra must have made a face because Jane's eyebrows furrowed.

“I mean, I don't want to push you into anything...”

Petra could only shake her head. Just a few weeks ago she had professed her love to Jane, at Jane's own wedding no less, and now, Jane was worried about making Petra uncomfortable because she referred to Petra as family. Jane Villanueva was something else.

“It's not a conventional family, but I think it's family. Sometimes, blood isn't important. Sometimes, blood relatives aren't the best options.”

“How is Anezka, by the way?” Jane asked casually, sipping at her glass of wine.

“Anezka is Anezka. Sometimes she seems almost normal, then other times... I once met a cat exactly like her. Jumpy, skittish, always staring. I caught her licking her plate when she was done eating once.”

Jane snorted. “I used to wish I had a sibling, but now... Having my dad pop up into my life in my 20's is enough.”

Petra leaned forward on her elbows as she considered communicating what was in her head at the moment. She trusted Jane, and it wasn't the first time she had opened up to Jane; Jane probably knew more about her than most other people, other than Rafael. She took a sip of her wine.

“I often compare how I look to how my mother looks, and try to get an idea of what my father looked like. My mother isn't tall, so I'm assuming he was tall.”

“Your mother really won't tell you anything about him?”

Petra shook her head. “She would say, 'Why do you need to know? You have me. That is enough.' Well, it wasn't enough. You've met my mother.”

Jane was staring at Petra, her eyes shimmering and her bottom lip pulled into her mouth. Petra sort of regretted telling Jane this. She regretted this until Jane reached across the table and grabbed Petra's hand.

“My family isn't perfect, but if you can be a part of it as much as you want, Petra,” Jane said earnestly. “And I'm sorry you don't know who your father was. I think... I think he was a good man. You know why? I see how you struggle with doing the right thing, but you're trying, and you try because maybe not everyone in your family was like your mother. You're feeling a kind of... push and pull between the genes from your parents. Now, I'm not a scientist, but that's my theory.”

Jane's hand was warm around Petra's and Petra didn't know what to do or say.

“Do you, uh, ever feel that from your parents?” She finally said after a brief silence.

“I mean, sometimes. Both of my parents are pretty dramatic, so I do feel that quite a bit. Sometimes I think I take more after my grandma. Or I like to think I do. She's a pretty rational person and my parents... not so much. Do you think I'm rational?”

“...This feels like a trick.”

“No, I honestly want to know.”

Petra inhaled slowly through her nose as she considered her words. “Yes, but I think you can go overboard. You sometimes think too much and your rationality can get buried in all the other things you're thinking about.”

“Hm.” Jane pursed her lips, then took a drink of her wine. “Makes sense.”

“As for me, I get caught up in focusing on how something will affect me, rather than other people, and I can also go overboard. Case in point, the twins.”

Jane chuckled. The food was then brought out. Jane waited only briefly before taking a bite of her pizza.

“Oh my god, this is so good. You want some?” She asked, a decent amount still in her mouth.

“No, thank you. This salmon is enough.” 

Petra barely focused on the salmon as she ate it. It was good enough, but she was more focused on watching Jane eat. She wasn't necessarily a messy eater, but her table manners were lacking. If Jane was anyone else, Petra would be bothered by the fact there was a large piece of tomato stuck to the corner of Jane's mouth. But this wasn't anyone else, it was Jane, and Petra was finding the way she ate, adorable.

When Jane noticed Petra watching her, she put her hand over her mouth as she swallowed what was in her mouth, then wiped at her mouth with a napkin. Petra tried to not smile, but it was difficult.

“How's the salmon?” Jane asked.

“It's good. Do you want some?”

Jane nodded and Petra held out her fork with a piece of salmon on the end. Jane wrapped her lips around it, her tongue flicking out over her lips. She made a soft moaning noise, which Petra found a little cruel.

“That's really good. You sure you don't want some pizza?”

Petra couldn't say no to Jane's warm face, so she shrugged and nodded. Jane actually gave her a whole slice. It looked good, it wasn't greasy and was covered in peppers and tomatoes. She took a bite and was pleasantly surprised. It showed on her face because Jane grinned and said, “See? It's good. Go ahead and eat the rest of that slice.”

As they continued eating, the conversation turned back to the kids for a little bit, then Jane started talking about her thesis.

“I've been a little distracted so I haven't been able to work on it as much as I want to. But I have lined up a few women to interview. Now, something else I've been thinking about is the treatment of... different kinds of immigrants.” Jane cleared her throat and slowly sipped at her wine.

Petra frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Well, you came from another country, right?” Petra nodded. “Did you ever feel mistreated when you came here?”

Petra thought back. When she first came she still had a little bit of an accent and felt very subconscious about it. Her mother had been adamant about her learning English perfectly, but it took some time to get rid of her accent. After that was gone enough that Petra felt comfortable, she didn't feel any judgment. The judgment may have been in her own head, though. She may have imagined the weird looks people gave her when she struggled to pronounce an English word. It was probably worse for some other immigrants.

Then she realized what Jane was getting at.

“Oh,” Petra said aloud. “You're thinking that white immigrants get treated better than non-white immigrants.”

Jane chewed on her bottom lip. “I mean, in general. I didn't want to assume about your experience, Petra. My grandma was in constant fear of being deported before she got her green card. Did you ever feel that?”

Petra shook her head. “No. My mother assured me everything was fine. I didn't question her.”

“If this is too personal, stop me, but did anyone treat you poorly because you came from another country?”

“There is only one instance I can think of. A month after I got here, I went to the store to get dinner for my mother and myself. It was very busy and as I went up to place my order, I started struggling to say what I wanted to order and I was feeling very rushed,” Petra paused to take a long drink of wine, “so I accidentally slipped into Czech. The guy who was placing the orders got impatient, told me to hurry up, and called me a derogatory term for a Polish person. For one thing, I'm not Polish, second, that was uncalled for.”

Jane had leaned forward, her eyes wide. “What happened?”

“Well, I didn't like to cry in front of people so I quickly left and went back to our apartment. My mother,” Petra laughed sharply. “My mother said, 'What, no food? Why are you crying? We need dinner.'”

“Petra, I'm sorry,” Jane said softly, taking Petra's hand again.

Petra cleared her throat, forcing down the emotions that were threatening to come out. “But that was the only major instance. I practiced my English religiously after that and I didn't really have anymore problems. I didn't live in fear.” Petra clicked her tongue. “Well, not from fear of deportation. I can't imagine how your grandmother feels.”

Jane now looked guilty.

“Jane, what's wrong?”

 

Jane ran her finger around the rim of her wine glass. “I just feel that I made you tell that story. It sounds painful.”

“No, Jane, it's fine. I hadn't told anyone that story, not even Rafael, but it feels good to get it out. It was an establishing moment of my life. I think it made me a stronger person.”

“This is what I want to be careful about; I don't want to imply that you have greater privilege as a White European immigrant versus my grandma...”

“Jane, you're being too nice. That was my only real experience with mistreatment because of my status as a citizen. I can't speak for the experience of others, but I think I have more privilege, not just as an immigrant, but as a White person.”

Jane had narrowed her eyes and was looking intently at Petra.

“You're full of surprises, Petra. I honestly didn't expect you to say that.”

Petra lifted her wine glass and spoke over it. “I probably wouldn't have said that a few years ago. I worked so hard to create this image of myself, and admitting I have privilege seemed counter-productive. Why would I want to admit I have privilege?”

“I think it can be both. You have have privilege but also have to work hard to get where you are.”

“Working hard also meant marrying up,” Petra mumbled into her glass.

Jane smiled, some sympathy there. “Acknowledging it means you're moving in the right step, I think.”

“You sound like a therapist.” Petra said this a little too sharply, so Petra smiled. “But you're right. The next time I'm with someone, it'll be for the right reasons. No more manipulating, no more sneaking around.”

Petra looked at Jane, who was looking at Petra over her glass. Petra cleared her throat. “I think that's a good thesis idea. If you have more questions for me about that, feel free to ask me.”

As they finished eating, everytime Petra looked up, Jane was looking at her. And everytime Jane locked eyes with Petra, Jane smiled and looked back down at her food. They weren't talking as they finished, and it didn't feel strange to have that silence hang over them.

Petra finally checked her phone when they finished eating, she saw it was past nine. She hated ending the... whatever this was, but they both had children. Petra had children and she had to keep reminding herself of that.

When the check came, Jane tried to pay, but Petra insisted.

“You can get it next time,” Petra told her.

A smile spread across Jane's face. “There's gonna be a next time?”

Petra's face flushed and Jane elbowed her playfully. “Come on, Petra.”

They drove back to the hotel and on their ride on the elevator, Jane was rocking her on heels. It took Petra a moment to realize Jane was humming. 

Jane's arm swung sideways, tapping Petra's side. When Petra looked at her, Jane grinned. “I had a nice night, Petra.”

“I did too, Jane,” Petra said, her voice coming out uncharacteristically soft.

Jane's smile was close-mouthed but wide and bright and it made Petra's heart clench.

The elevator dinged for Jane's floor and she started to walk about, but she stopped, turned around, and placed a kiss on Petra's cheek.

“Good night, Petra.”

The door was closing as Petra whispered, her cheek tingling, “good night, Jane.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a rollercoaster. Enjoy : D

When Petra got to her room that evening, she was actually giddy. That was not a word she would normally use to describe herself, but she was truly giddy. She actually smiled at Anezka as she walked through the door.

“...It was good, sister?” Anezka asking, looking understandably unsettled.

“Wonderful,” Petra said. She fell back onto the couch and continued smiling at her sister. 

Anezka followed her and sat beside her, a little bit too close. Normally Petra would make a point of moving away from her sister, but she was in a good mood.

Petra was normally a very attentive person. She found it odd how her sister was always observing things, but she realized she did the same thing. Maybe not so creepily, but still did the same thing. Tonight, however, her good mood was clouding her judgment.

If she hadn't turned her head, towards her sister, at that moment she wouldn't have noticed Anezka moving her hand towards Petra. The movement out of the corner of her eye caught her attention. Acting quickly, she jerked sideways and saw the syringe clutched in her sister's hand.

“What the hell?!” Petra shouted. She sprang to her feet.

There was something new in Anezka's eyes, something dark. She no longer looked skittish and jumpy, and actually looked more like Petra (Petra assumed). 

“I wish I did not have to do this, my sister,” Anezka said. Her accent was still thick, but her English sounded better.

“What are you even doing?” Petra had poised herself in a hunched position, ready to run.

Anezka stood up and Petra took a step back. “Rafael will not be with me if you are here.”

“I don't think he'd be with you regardless. ...Wait, you like Rafael?”

“He might, if he thinks you are me and I am you.”

Petra narrowed her eyes at Anezka. “That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard.”

“Oh, is it? I don't think it's that crazy,” Anezka said, doing a perfect impression of Petra. Petra bristled. It was very unsettling. She even had Petra's posture, no longer that hunched way Anezka usually stood.

Petra eyed in the syringe in her sister's hand. “What's that?”

“I wouldn't worry about that,” Anezka said, still sounding like Petra.

“I'm going to worry about it, since you tried to stab me with it.”

Anezka took another step forward and before Petra really had time to process it, she charged. Petra's only real goal was to avoid the needle. She didn't care what it contained, she just knew she didn't want to be stabbed by it.

Anezka was fast, but she wasn't very strong, Petra realized when they made contact. Petra had the privilege of access to a gym and food 24/7, and she likely had a slightly better upbringing than her sister.

Petra grabbed Anezka's right wrist, which contained the syringe. She wasn't having much trouble with holding her back, but Anezka was scrappy and quick. She kept wriggling around and trying to swipe Petra's legs with her feet. Petra then decided to really use her strength and force Anezka to the ground. At first, this appeared to be a good idea; Petra was able to use her own weight against Anezka as she sat on her stomach.

But Anezka's knee suddenly came up and knocked Petra in the back. It wasn't enough force to knock Petra down, but it surprised her enough for Anezka to free her left hand, which she used to smack Petra across the face. She managed to do it again, hitting Petra's nose. Petra's nose throbbed and could feel blood flow down her upper lip, but she kept a tight hold on her sister's wrist, trying to keep that syringe away from her.

With a burst of energy, Anezka rolled them both over, Anezka now on top. She started twisting her right arm, trying to get Petra to let go. Petra kept her hold, but Anezka was making it very difficult as she twisted her arm around, painfully. Then Anezka did something Petra really didn't expect her to do; she bit Petra's forearm. Really bit it, like a rabid dog. Petra grunted from the pain.

Anezka really had a hold on Petra's arm as her teeth sunk into the flesh. As the pain built, Petra started to grow concerned she was going to break the skin, but she still held on. Despite Anezka's supposed lack of strength, they still seemed too evenly matched.

“Let go,” Petra shouted. “Let go!”

Anezka bit harder and Petra could actually feel her sister's canines pierce her skin. A thin trail of blood streamed down Petra's arm and dripped onto her face. 

Anezka then let go, rose up slightly, and drove her bony butt into Petra's stomach. Petra coughed and Anezka did it again, and again.

“Our mother chose you!” Anezka growled. “Ty krávo! Podívala se na jejích dvou dcer kojeneckých a vybral vás!”

“That had nothing to do with me! We were both newborns!”

“Jak může matka se podívat na její děti a rozhodnout, kdo jí vede?”

“Magda is the kind of mother. Do you think my life was so perfect? We moved all the time, constantly looking over our shoulder. From what? I don't even know!”

Anezka's blue eyes blazed.

“You had a mother. You still had family,” Anezka said, before Petra could protest about what kind of mother Magda was. She struck Petra across the face again. Then she grabbed Petra's left arm and pulled on it. Petra wasn't in the right position to do the same to Anezka.

Anezka placed her knee on top of Petra's arm, holding it down, then put her hand on Petra's throat.

“You let go, I let go,” Anezka said in a rough voice, her accent back.

“Rafael won't love you,” Petra said hoarsely. “Not even as me.”

Anezka pressed harder. Petra tried to swallow against the pressure on her throat.

“You don't know that,” Anezka said, but she even looked slightly panicked.

“I... do. He loves Jane,” Petra gasped. The more Anezka pressed, the more difficult it was to talk, and breathe.

Anezka's mouth twisted, but she still pressed. Petra was trying to remain calm, but her body was starting to panic from the lack of oxygen. Her heart was pounding and she couldn't stop thinking about the fact just after she went on a date—or something—with Jane, this happens, and from the sister she had been trying to protect, no less.

“He loves you, and he will love me,” Anezka said in a low voice.

Her vision was starting to blur and her head felt fuzzy. Even if she didn't die from this, as soon as she passed out, she'd let go of Anezka's other hand and Anezka would inject her with whatever was in that syringe.

She tried to protest, tried to yell out, but she couldn't even get a breath of air. She was fighting against passing out, but she couldn't stop her vision from going dark. Just as she was on the edge of unconsciousness, she heard a voice.

“Petra!” It was Jane.

Then Anezka was yanked off of Petra and air flooded Petra's lungs. She gasped and her head spun. When her vision cleared, she saw Jane holding onto Anezka, her arms pressing Anezka's arms against her side. Petra then realized Anezka had dropped the syringe.

“Petra, call the police!” Jane yelled.

Petra had to take a couple more seconds to catch her voice, then she took out her phone. She saw that Jane had texted Petra, but she didn't have time to see what she had written. She dialed 911.

“911, what's your emergency?” The dispatcher chirped.

When Petra spoke, her voice came out weak and hoarse. “My sister, attacked me... Marbella Hotel. Room 604. She's still in the room, but we're safe.”

When the dispatcher told her they're sending over a car, Petra hung up, then glared at her sister. Jane had surprisingly strong arms and seemed alright holding Anezka.

Jane pushed all of her weight onto Anezka and forced her down onto the floor. Anezka swore in Czech.

“What happened?!” Jane asked once she knew Anezka couldn't hurt her.

Petra looked down at Anezka. “I'll tell you later.” She didn't want Anezka getting all riled up again.

“Are you okay?” Jane looked at Petra's face, which was likely covered in blood.

She nodded, but somehow felt both pulsing with adrenaline and exhausted.

When the police came, they hand-cuffed Anezka and as they started to lead her away, she turned to Petra and cursed her in Czech. Despite Petra's likely disheveled appearance, she held her head high and watched impassively as her sister was taken away. One cop stayed behind to ask Petra questions, which she answered numbly. This took about ten minutes.

As soon as the other cop was gone, Petra's stomach turned and she ran into the bathroom. As she heaved into the toilet, there was gentle hands on her back, one holding her hair back, the other rubbing her back. Her throat hurt.

When she was done, she sat back on the cold floor. She shook her head. “I'm so stupid. Why did I think anyone in my family could be good?”

Jane looked completely heartbroken when Petra looked up at her. She threw her arms around Petra.

“You're not stupid, you just wanted to connect with your family. She fooled everyone.”

“You didn't trust her from the start,” Petra mumbled.

“I didn't expect her to do this. Why did she do this?”

Petra told her about the thing with Rafael, the syringe. Jane's eyes went wider and wider. When Petra was done, Jane scoffed.

“Why did she think that would work?”

“She did a perfect impression of me.”

“Rafael wouldn't fall for that... would he?”

Petra sighed and ran her hand over her eyes. “I don't think so, but I really have no idea.”

“I wonder what that syringe was gonna do...”

Petra mumbled a “I don't know.” 

Jane smiled weakly at her. “Let's get you cleaned up. Do you want to take a shower?”

“That sounds nice, but I'm too tired. I'm just gonna clean my face, clean this,” she held up her arm and Jane sucked in a breath, “and go to bed.”

 

Jane nodded and helped Petra up to her feet. She was gentle as she cleaned the blood from Petra's face, while Petra quietly stood there. Jane tapped Petra's nose and when Petra didn't wince, Jane smiled.

“I don't think your nose is broken, but you might have a black eye.”

“I guess that's something,” Petra mumbled.

Jane then got to work on Petra's arm. It was swollen and red and throbbing, but had stopped bleeding. Jane dug out something from the medicine cabinet to put on her arm.

“This'll sting,” Jane warned before spraying it on Petra's wound. Petra bit her bottom lip. “I'll put a loose bandage on this, so it's not rubbing on stuff.”

Still, Petra just let Jane do whatever. Her mind was still swimming from what happened in last fifteen minutes.

When Jane was done, she pressed her forehead to Petra's. “I'm sorry this happened to you. I really am.”

Petra made a soft noise to show she acknowledged what Jane said. Jane had no reason to say that; Petra knew Jane would never wish this on Petra. But this was what Jane does, try her best to comfort people, and Petra respected that.

Jane helped Petra change into comfier clothes. If Petra hadn't gone through what she had just gone through, she might have acknowledged the fact Jane was undressing her, after they had their date. But right now, she didn't care. She just wanted to lie down.

Jane helped her into bed after this and laid down beside her.

“If you want me to go, I'll go,” Jane said gently.

Petra shook her head, her cheek rubbing against the pillow. “You can stay.”

Jane smiled warmly before reaching over and brushing a strand of hair out of Petra's face. Then, Jane wrapped her arms around Petra and pulled her close.

“Tell me if this isn't okay,” Jane said into Petra's ear.

“It's okay.”

Jane gently scratched her nails in between Petra's shoulder blades and hummed a tune Petra didn't recognize.

Her brain and body was starting to come down from its adrenaline high and she could actually feel herself relax as her eyes drifted closed. For that moment, she forgot what her sister did to her, and Jane's gentle voice was the only thing she let herself focus on as she fell asleep.

When she woke up the next morning, she forgot what happened. Anezka attacking her, Jane saving her. For a brief moment, neither of those things happened. Then she felt her arm throbbing and remembered. Then she remembered Jane, which became more apparent when she realized Jane was right next to her, her arms still wrapped around Petra.

Petra remembered the last time she saw a sleeping Jane. Jane had come over to Petra's room, drunk and ranting about Petra ruining her wedding. Then, Jane almost kissed Petra, and after she managed to avoid that, they both fell asleep on the couch.

With Jane so close, Petra really took the time to study Jane's face. Awake, Jane was usually either smiling or furrowing her brow in frustration. Asleep, Jane's eyebrows were raised, her mouth slack, and completely adorable. It made Petra really want to forget what Anezka did and just lie here with Jane.

But it was still there; Anezka attacked Petra and almost killed her. She wanted to switch places with Petra to be with Rafael. It was completely idiotic, but Petra couldn't help but think about the fact Petra inseminated herself to try to get Rafael back.

Apparently poor decision-making was a family trait, especially when it came to love interests.

Jane shifted and pulled Petra tighter. Jane must work out because her arms were shockingly strong; this became more apparent as Jane held Petra. Petra normally hated being held for long periods of time, but not really surprisingly, she didn't mind this. It was Jane.

She stayed like this for another 20 minutes, despite the fact she had to use the bathroom. It was too comfortable.

Luckily, one of the babies started crying in the nursery and Jane immediately woke up.

“Mateo?” Jane asked blearily.

“No, Jane, it's one of the twins.”

Jane turned to Petra. Her eyes were half-closed. “...Oh. Wait, what... oh.”

Jane focused on Petra's face. “It's not too bad...”

At first Petra didn't know what Jane was talking about, but then she remembered. She gently touched her face and found it sensitive.

The baby was still crying and Jane was looking increasingly distressed.

“You can go,” Petra said. “The nannies won't be here for another hour. I cut their hours back.”

Jane slid out of bed and went into the nursery. Petra took the opportunity to go use the bathroom. Afterwards, Petra went into the nursery and found Jane sitting in a chair, gently rocking a twin.

“She just needed a diaper change,” Jane said quietly. “She's so sweet.”

“That's Elsa,” Petra said, surprising herself that she knew.

“I love watching Mateo grow, but I do miss him as a little baby. It's just so peaceful, being able to hold them like this. Mateo just wants to walk around and explore now. Again, I love it...”

Petra was transfixed watching Jane rock and hum to Elsa. She didn't feel jealousy at Jane's natural mothering abilities; it was more awe than anything. One of the things involved with getting through her postpartum depression was accepting some people—like Jane—felt more at ease with being a mother. Jane had her own struggles, just like Petra, but she was also a more maternal person than Petra and that's okay. As long as the twins knew they were loved, that's all Petra cared about.

Elsa yawned and Jane sighed.

“She's so precious.” Jane ran a finger over the tuft of blonde hair on top of the baby's head.

Petra looked over to Anna, who was still sleeping. “I wonder who's the evil twin. Or they both are.”

Jane tilted her head and briefly gave Petra a stern look, but it quickly became soft. “Petra.”

“I'm kidding,” Petra huffed. But she knew she wasn't, not really. They both did.

“Your sister had an unfortunate life, which was no fault of your own. This isn't genetics either,” Jane said. She looked down at Elsa. “No one is born evil.”

“Then my family must have the luck of the draw,” Petra mumbled. She leaned against the doorway and looked down at the floor. She hated feeling sorry for herself, but under these circumstances, it was difficult not to.

She heard gentle footsteps and found Jane standing in front of her, Elsa still in her arms.

“Petra, your family is clearly a group of people who put looking out for themselves as their number one priority. You and your mother wanted to be taken care of after struggling so much. Now, I don't advocate the things your mother did, because she did some shitty things, but some of it? I can see where she was coming from. It's not things I would do, but, you know...”

Jane freed one of her hands and put it on Petra's shoulder. “You, you were the same, but you managed to step back and see how you were hurting other people. You have a conscience, unlike your mother. You haven't always made the right decisions, but you've clearly learned from that.”

Petra's face felt hot. She swallowed and couldn't bring herself to look in Jane's eyes.

“Your sister? Well, she clearly takes after your mother, in the worst possible ways. It's fucked up that she manipulated you like that, Petra. It really is. I don't want this experience to mar all the progress you've made. You're a good person, Petra.”

As soon as Jane said that, as soon as it left her lips, Petra's own lips were on Jane's. At first, it was sloppy, teeth knocking together, noses pressed against each other. But they quickly found a rhythm and Jane was eagerly responding to it.

Jane broke away first. Her face was flushed and she was panting. She laughed softly.

“That was... um, yeah. I was wondering when that'd happen.”

 

Petra looked down and saw Elsa was staring at her.

“Elsa's probably wondering what you were doing to her mother's face,” Petra said with a smile.

Jane, apparently forgetting Elsa was even there, looked down and laughed. “Oops. Don't worry, I wasn't hurting Mommy, Elsa. Let's get you back in that crib.”

Jane went over to the crib and put the baby inside. She hovered over the crib for a few moments.

“So,” Petra said. She finally actually stepped into the room, as she had been hovering in or near the doorway the whole time.

“How's your arm?” Jane asked, looking at Petra.

Petra held up her arm. It was red and swollen, still, but appeared to be healing. There was still the unmistakable evidence of the bite-marks of human teeth indented into the flesh.

“I can't believe she bit you,” Jane said. She shook her head.

“I can't believe any of it.” Petra sank down into one of the glider chairs. “By the way, how'd you know to come save me?”

Jane sat down in the other chair. “I didn't, but I texted you, multiple times, and when you didn't respond, I got concerned. I know you're the most communicative person, but I'd imagine you send me at least one text. But I didn't know you were being attacked by your sister.”

“Thank you,” Petra almost whispered.

Jane smiled her warm smile and took Petra's hand.

“Another question,” Petra started. “When did you get so strong?”

“Oh.” Jane laughed sheepishly. “After all the stuff that's been happening, I started taking kickboxing.”

To prove this, Jane held up her arm and flexed. Her bicep bulged out. Petra swore underneath her breath.

“So, yeah. I mean, Anezka wasn't very strong, so it was pretty easy.”

“Still, you took her down like it was nothing. You're a little scary, Jane Villanueva.”

A blush passed over Jane's cheeks. Her hand was warm in Petra's and her thumb was starting to stroke the top of Petra's hand. Petra didn't want to ruin the moment with more talk of Anezka, but she remembered something else.

“She said she wanted me to be with you,” Petra said, almost too quietly.

“Hm?”

“Anezka, she was encouraging me to go out with you. She made it sound like she wanted me to be happy.”

When Petra looked at Jane, Jane's eyes were watery and her face was twitching, like she was about to cry. Petra was a little surprised by Jane's reaction.

“Jane?”

“I'm sorry... I just, it's just so... shitty. It's really shitty.”

“I know it is, Jane.”

“You deserve to be happy, Petra.” Jane squeezed Petra's hand.

“We both do.”

Petra had very little warning before Jane surged forward and kissed Petra. This kiss was slower. Jane had her hand in Petra's hair, her fingers stroking the back of Petra's skull. It felt so nice, Petra's eyes fluttered closed.

Without really meaning to, Petra nipped at Jane's bottom lip. Jane reacted with a slight hiss before, without breaking contact with Petra's lips, moved from her chair to Petra's. She straddled Petra's lap and held both sides of Petra's face.

Petra had thought about this moment several times. She didn't want to think about it, because she never imagined it to happen. She never imagined Jane Gloriana Villanueva would ever be attracted to her, especially after the shit Petra put her through.

When they broke apart, Jane pressed the tip of her nose to Petra's. Petra couldn't really see Jane's face, since she was so close, but she heard Jane sniff.

“Are you okay?” Petra asked.

“I'm just... it's been a crazy few weeks,” Jane sighed. She sat back far enough that Petra could get a good look at her. There was a tear running down Jane's cheek, which Petra quickly wiped away. 

“Jane, I'm sorry for the way things went. I mean, I'm glad for,” Petra waved her hand between them, “this, but I don't like how it happened. If I hadn't said anything, you would be married to Michael, and...”

Jane put her finger against Petra's lips. Jane smiled, but it wasn't necessarily a happy smile. It wasn't really sad, though, either. There was a lot behind that smile.

“What happened... is what happened. Yeah, I'd be married to Michael, and maybe I'd be happy, but you'd be...” Jane sighed. “Look, it happened. We need to move on. Plus, if I had married Michael, who would've protected you from Anezka? You would be... whatever Anezka planned to do with you. Dead? I don't know, but it probably wouldn't have ended well.”

 

Jane grabbed Petra's face against and looked her dead in the eyes. Jane's warm brown eyes were shimmering with tears and Petra could feel her throat clench.

“Petra, I've been avoiding saying this because I didn't want to face it, plus, you know, Michael. I think it's been there for longer than I realized and it took you to do something bold and honestly a little stupid, but...” Jane smiled widely. “I love you, Petra.”

Petra almost said, “I know,” since she had suspected (hoped) for a while now. Jane had repeatedly used language to suggest it, without actually saying “love.” Having feelings was one phrase. But this was the first time Jane had actually said it, explicitly, so Petra smiled and kissed Jane.

“I kn-- I mean, I love you, too, Jane.”

Jane giggled, kissed Petra, and said, “I know.”


	9. Chapter 9

To say the next few days were overwhelming was an understatement. Once again, Petra was going to court for a family member to testify against them. She had no problem doing this because since Anezka turned out to be an awful person who almost killed her, she just wanted her sister in prison and away from her.

But it was still stressful. She didn't know how many times she had to say “no, I didn't know.” “No, I don't think she's involved with some international group.”

She also had to keep showing them her injuries; the bitemarks, the black-eye, the bruise on her throat. Then the questions if she had faked any of these injuries, because it had somehow come out that she had faked a domestic abuse injury over a year ago. She had to explain that was her mother who did that, it was not her plan.

By the end of the week she was exhausted and crabby and never wanted to go to a courthouse or police station ever again.

When she got back to her room, she was greeted to Jane sitting at the dining table.

“Hey, Petra,” Jane said with a wide, but hesitant smile.

“Hi, Jane,” Petra sighed.

“You can vent all you want,” Jane told her as she rose to her feet. “But I think you should eat something first.”

“I don't know if I can stomach anything.”

Jane came over to Petra and wrapped her arm around Petra's. “Come on. You haven't eaten much all week.”

Petra let Jane drag her over to the table and saw a plate with a grilled cheese sandwich on it.

“Grilled cheese?”

“They're my favorite. I always eat them when I'm feeling crappy,” Jane with a warm grin. “Sit.”

Petra sat down and stared at the sandwich. It looked odd. Jane sat down and gave her a funny look.

“What's wrong?”

“I've never had a grilled cheese sandwich before,” Petra mumbled.

Jane gaped at her and smacked her hand on the table. “What?! Petra! How?”

Petra shrugged. “A fried sandwich with melted cheese never appealed to me.”

The plate of grilled cheese was slid closer to Petra and Jane leaned on her elbow, staring expectantly at her. Petra picked up the sandwich, sniffed at it, then took a bite. It was warm and the cheese was gooey against her tongue. Truly expecting to not like it, she smiled.

Jane continued watching her as she ate the sandwich. And as she ate, she noticed that she really had been hungry as her stomach growled softly in response to it. Before she knew it, the sandwich was gone. Jane was still staring at her.

“That was good, Jane,” Petra said. “Really, thank you.”

“You're welcome, sweetie.”

Petra looked at Jane, wide eyed. When Jane realized what she said, she blushed. 

“Sorry,” Jane mumbled.

“No, I like it.”

Jane, still blushing, beamed, then took Petra's hand.

“So. Do you want to tell me about today? You don't have to,” Jane said gently.

Petra stared at her empty plate, then looked up at Jane.

“It was awful,” Petra said with a heavy sigh. “They keep digging. I don't know why they keep acting like I'm on trial.”

“Petra, I don't want to freak you out, but do they know about your real name?”

It wasn't that Petra hadn't considered that, she had, but she still wanted to pretend it wasn't a big deal.

“I don't know why it would make much of a difference; I'm a US citizen.”

“I know, Petra, but they're obviously digging for something.”

Petra didn't want to admit Jane was right, mostly because she didn't want to think about what could happen. She hadn't been back to the Czech Republic in seven years and the only reason she would go back would be to possibly show the twins.

“I'll be careful,” Petra said, assuming that was what Jane wanted to hear.

Jane didn't look comforted.

The next morning, Petra was back in the courthouse. She was being interrogated in a private room today.

“Your sister, Anezka, said that she was working with you. She kept saying, 'she promised, she promised she would not go back on her word,' what does this mean?”

“She's lying,” Petra said in her most patient voice.

The prosecutor didn't seem convinced by this. He shuffled through some papers.

“So, you didn't know you had a sister under recently.”

“Yes,” Petra sighed, “as I've said multiple times, I didn't know. My mother kept it a secret.”

“Your father?”

“What about him?”

“What can you tell me about him?”

Petra knew next to nothing about him and she said as much. The only reason she knew she had a father at some point was, well, one biologically needs some type of father (whether it's through the conventional method or a more artificial way) as well as the fact he was the reason she and her mother lived in Germany for the first four years of her life.

“I got his nose, that's all I know about him.”

“I'm just trying to figure out why your family has all these problems, Miss Solano.”

“I'd like to know myself.”

“There's not a lot of documentation on your mother or your sister,” he said, shuffling through more papers. “Let's see. Petra Solano nee Andel, born 1985.”

“Correct,” Petra said quietly. She didn't like this.

He was being too quiet and Petra felt sick. She was waiting for “Petra Andel died.” She had heard it before. Last time, it was Rafael and Jane.

“Okay, Miss Solano, I think that's it. I just wanted to check some things. Tomorrow you will be asked to testify against your sister in court.”

Petra mumbled a thanks to the prosecutor (for what, she didn't know) and left the the room. Jane met her outside and handed her a cup of coffee, then a kiss on the cheek.

“Hey, sweetie. Did it go well?”

“I guess,” Petra said with a shrug.

Jane didn't say anything. Instead she put an arm around Petra's lower back. While Petra still didn't feel great, it helped. She communicated this with a closed-mouth smile.

Later that day, Petra and Jane took the babies over to Jane's house. Petra really did not want to go, but Jane, for some reason, wanted her family to meet the twins.

“We don't have to stay long,” Jane reassured her.

“Why do they have to meet the babies?” Petra asked. They were already outside the door, Petra pushing the double stroller, while Jane had Mateo in her arms.

“Because, Petra, if we're gonna... be...” Jane paused and looked thoughtful. “What are we?”

“You and I?”

Jane nodded.

Petra honestly hadn't thought about it before now. It hadn't even been a week since their date, and the brief bliss that Petra had felt when she went back to her room that night had been cut short by her sister. What she and Jane were now, she had no idea.

“I hadn't thought about it,” Petra admitted.

“Same,” Jane sighed. “Maybe we should figure it out before we go in there? Or, maybe figure it out later? Maybe this was a bad idea.”

Jane looked distressed and was trying to not let Mateo see her get upset. Petra took Mateo's hand and smiled at Jane.

“We'll figure it out as we go,” Petra said.

Jane hummed (grunted, more like), hesitantly. She didn't look convinced. Jane liked to plan ahead, which is why Petra was surprised she hadn't thought about it more.

“Girlfriend. You can say you're my girlfriend,” Petra told her. As she said it, her voice caught. Jane Gloriana Villanueva, her girlfriend. She swallowed. “Unless you don't consider us that yet. We've only gone on one date.”

Jane smiled, a little bit teary eyed. “Okay.”

Jane opened the door.

“Ma, Abuela, Dad! I'm home!”

Rogelio was the first one to greet them. He hugged and kissed Jane on the cheek, then, hugged Petra. Then he took Mateo and gave him a big hug.

“And how is my little Matelio?”

Mateo responded by smiling and grabbing Rogelio's nose. Alba and Xiomara soon came into the room and greeted Jane the same way. When they saw Petra, however, they stopped. Alba looked like she didn't know what to say, while Xiomara nodded and mumbled a, “Petra.”

“Hello, Xiomara. Alba.”

Rogelio, sensing the awkwardness, looked into the stroller.

“And who are these two cuties?”

“This is Elsa and Anna,” Jane told him, pointing at the correct baby. “Petra and Rafael's twins.”

“Elsa and Anna, like in--” Rogelio started, but Jane shook her head.

“They're pretty names, aren't they?” Jane said, smiling at her family.

“...Oh, yes, very pretty. May I?” Rogelio asked, gesturing to Anna.

“Of course,” Petra said.

Rogelio picked up Anna, who had just woken up. Her face screwed up at being picked up, but she didn't cry.

“She looks like you, Petra,” Rogelio said, gently bouncing the baby in his arms.

“That's what Rafael says. They're twins, so I guess they both do.”

And the mention of 'twins,' Petra said Xiomara and Alba tense. She assumed Jane had told them about what happened.

“Uh, Petra, I'm sorry that, uh,” Xiomara stuttered out. She looked to her mother, who looked just as a loss for words.

Then, to Petra's great surprise, Alba hugged her.

“Es terrible lo que pasó. Lo siento,” Alba whispered sympathetically.

When she pulled away, she looked at Petra's arm, where Anezka had bitten her. The wound had mostly healed, but there was still indentations in her flesh. Alba traced her finger around the mark.

“Lo siento,” she said again.

Petra nodded, a lump forming in her throat. Alba then bent down and picked up Elsa, who was sleeping.

“Hola, Elsa,” Alba whispered to the baby. “Eres guapisima. No es ella, Xiomara?”

Xiomara nodded silently and ran a gentle finger over her tiny hand.

As Petra watched this, Rogelio cooing over Anna, Alba holding Elsa, something coursed through her. A tear ran down her cheek before she even realized she was crying. She hastily wiped it away, but Jane saw it and took her hand.

Alba had cooked dinner for them. A stew of some kind. Both babies were awake and in their carriers, while Mateo played next to them.

Petra felt a little bit weird, being there. Jane's family was so happy. It was a little bit crazy, but they clearly all loved each other. Unconditional love was something so foreign to Petra. The idea that a family would do things for each other without ulterior motives was foreign to her.

Jane suddenly nudged Petra in her side and smiled at her as she slid a plate of bread to her. Petra took a piece and smiled back at her.

“Hey, uh, Ma,” Jane said. “Could you watch the babies Friday night?”

“The three of them?” Xiomara looked at Petra, who didn't know what Jane was getting at. Watching Mateo made sense, but the twins did.

“Yeah. Petra and I have plans.”

Petra turned to Jane, her eyebrow raised. They hadn't discussed any of this.

“Sure, but what're you doing?” Xiomara asked.

“We're going on a date,” Jane said. She looked at Petra and smiled wide enough that her dimples were showing. “Is that okay, Petra?”

Petra glanced at Jane's family. Rogelio was looking at her expectantly, Alba was pursing her lips, and Xiomara was looking at Jane.

“Yeah, of course, Jane. Where were you thinking?”

“I found this really good cerviche place.”

Petra couldn't decide if she should smile or not, not with Jane's family staring at her. It was awkward. But she let herself smile a little bit.

“That sounds great.”

Rogelio made a quiet squealing noise. Alba and Xiomara exchanged looks, and Petra saw Alba whisper something to Xiomara. Jane didn't seem to notice, though, because Mateo made a loud noise. He was staring at the twins and said, “Bah!” in a sharp voice.

“Aww, he's talking to the babies,” Jane cooed. “That's so cute.”

“Very cute,” Xiomara agreed. She seemed to relax a little bit when she looked at Mateo, who looked very proud of himself.

When they finished dinner, they settled in the living room. Jane and Xiomara were on the floor with the babies. Petra sat in a chair, away from Rogelio and Alba, who were on the couch. She had no problem with Rogelio (who seemed to love her for some reason) but Alba was still very stiff with her. Petra remembered what Alba had called Petra. Mujer mala. It was understandable, after the things Petra had done.

Despite the fact Alba was very Catholic, she didn't strike Petra as homophobic, so Alba's issues with Petra were likely personal.

Mateo fell asleep at some point, followed by the twins. Xiomara went to do the dishes and Jane nodded her head to Petra, gesturing for her to go with her mother. So Petra did.

“Need something?” Xiomara asked, barely looking over her shoulder.

“Uh, need help?” Petra asked hesitantly.

Xiomara didn't say anything for a moment before moving to the side a little bit, so Petra could fit in.

“You can dry,” Xiomara said.

For the next five minutes the only sounds were water running, clinking of plates, and Xiomara scrubbing.

Then Xiomara sighed. “Jane seems to really like you.”

Petra was caught off guard and merely turned her head to Xiomara.

“I don't know when this started, for either of you. Not, this relationship, but this...” Xiomara petered off as she tried to think of the right word. “Connection might be too strong, but something like that. Was it when you got pregnant?”

“I think it was before that,” Petra said. She thought back to that moment in the stairwell, when she told Petra about her life. Something about Jane made her want to tell her things about herself. She trusted Jane more than she trusted anyone.

Xiomara sucked her teeth. “If you hurt her...”

“I won't,” Petra quickly said. “Anything I did to her in the past is that, in the past. I would never hurt her again.”

Petra had turned fully to face Xiomara. Xiomara wasn't wearing heels for once, so Petra was taller than her. Xiomara turned to Petra.

“I don't like how this went, at all. Michael was a good guy and he loves Jane,” Xiomara started out slowly, her voice too quiet. Petra braced herself. “And you've done some really shitty things, and your family... Don't get me started. That said. Jane seems to really like you. Why? I have no idea. I don't get it. But she does, and I love her.”

Xiomara stepped even closer to Petra and Petra willfully made sure she didn't take a step back, out of instinct.

“Don't mess this up. You hurt her once, you'll have me and my mom to answer to, and I'm sure Rogelio won't take too kindly to you doing anything to Jane.”

Petra kept eye contact with Xiomara and nodded.

“Of course.”

Xiomara nodded tightly, then turned back to the dishes.

There was some more silence before Xiomara asked a question Petra didn't expect—nor did she want it asked. 

“Have you two had sex?”

Petra nearly dropped a plate.

“What?”

Xiomara asked it again. Petra shook her head.

“No. Of course not. Didn't Jane take a vow of chastity?”

“She did, but she's also considered breaking it a few times.” Xiomara looked over at Petra again. “If she decided to do that, would you go along with it?”

Petra sputtered. Having this conversation with anyone, let alone Jane's mother, was uncomfortable. And they hadn't even considered it. It hadn't even been a week since their first date, then Anezka attacked Petra, then court stuff. Sex was absolutely the last thing on her mind.

“I don't know. I've had other things to worry about.”

Xiomara's expression softened a little bit.

“Right.”

“I would leave it up to Jane,” Petra said. “That said, I don't want her taking this lightly, just because I'm a woman. Sex is sex, I think.”

Xiomara nodded. “I agree.”

Petra paused a moment before asking, “Does your mother hate me?”

Xiomara scrubbed at a plate before answering. “A little bit, yeah. However,” she added, “it's not out of homophobia. She is not homophobic. She just...”

“Hates me as a person,” Petra finished.

Xiomara nodded hesitantly. “Pretty much, yeah. You have to admit you see where she's coming from.”

Petra shrugged, conceding Xiomara's point. They finished up the dishes in silence, but Petra felt herself able to relax a little bit. The awkwardness wasn't hanging in the air as much. Even when they returned to the living room, when Petra locked eyes with Alba, she didn't feel quite so out of place.

Alba gave her something of a smile as Petra passed by and sat in the chair again. Jane, who was sitting by a sleeping Mateo, turned and smiled at Petra.

“Abula said we can stay here tonight. The twins can sleep in Mateo's pack and play.”

“Really?” She looked at Alba, who nodded.

“Yeah, she doesn't want us driving at night with three babies.”

“I have to be up early,” Petra reminded Jane. “And go to the courthouse.”

“It's pretty easy to get to the courthouse from here,” Xiomara said. When Jane raised her eyebrow at her, she explained, “parking tickets. Anyway, we'll make sure you get there.”

Petra looked at Jane, who nodded eagerly.

“Okay.”

Petra had never been in Jane's room before. She wasn't sure what she expected, but it was sort of exactly how she imagined. It had a mix of items from Jane's childhood, things from high school, and Jane's current interest. It was cute, charming, just like Jane.

After the babies were set up in their cribs, Jane handed Petra a pair of pajamas. 

“Sorry, it's just a t-shirt and pants,” Jane said.

“It's fine.”

Jane then started unchanging and Petra wasn't sure what to do, so she turned away. It seemed silly to look away; Jane was a woman, like Petra, and they were dating now, but because of that, it seemed inappropriate for her to look at Jane.

She started changing as well. The t-shirt was baggy, as were the pants, but they were also too short, like capris. When she turned around, Jane was smiling sheepishly at her.

“Uh, ready for bed?” Jane asked, pointing at her bed.

Petra nodded and followed Jane. The sheets were soft and smelled nice. They smelled like Jane.

After Petra settled under the covers, Jane turned off the light and rolled over on her side to face Petra. Her face was warm and shadowed from streetlights.

“It'll be okay,” Jane whispered. “Tomorrow. It'll be okay.”

Petra had a feeling deep in her stomach that it wouldn't be okay, but with Jane's words, it went away a little bit.

“I know,” Petra whispered back, trying to believe Jane's words.

Jane pulled Petra's hand towards her, kissed it, and closed her eyes. Jane was asleep in minutes, but Petra laid there for awhile, watching Jane's sleeping face, listening to the babies make noises in their sleep.

Just as she was about to fall asleep, someone opened the door. It was Xiomara.

“Just making sure you two are... okay,” Xiomara said quietly, looking at both of them, then the babies. “Sorry. My mom wanted me to check.

“We're okay,” Petra said, a little bit irritated.

“Okay,” Xiomara said. She started to close the door, but then came back. “Good luck tomorrow. It'll... be okay.”

Xiomara's words were a little bit less encouraging than her daughter's, but it helped just having someone attempt to offer some comfort, even if it felt a little bit empty.

After Xiomara was gone, Petra took Jane's hand and pulled it close to her. Right now she just wanted to focus on Jane being here, in front of her, in love, and not focus on the next day, not focus on the fact that, once again, she had to send a family member to prison.


End file.
